


Pray the Gay Away

by Amuly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-15
Updated: 2010-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-04 00:30:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/387654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amuly/pseuds/Amuly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus' parents send him to a Christian camp designed to help him control his “Same Sex Attraction”. Once there, Remus finds himself rooming with the devilishly handsome bad-boy, Sirius Black. Will he give in to temptation? Could the attraction he feels for Sirius be more than physical? Non-Magical 1970s AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus arrives at camp and meets Sirius

Remus stepped out of the car, pushing brown hair out of his eyes even as it fell in front of them. His rucksack was slung over his shoulder, stuffed with books, cards, and – at the very bottom, in a secret compartment – chocolate. He heard a thump behind him: that would be his duffle bag. A moment later the car door shut, and the sound of tires over gravel reached his ears. His parents were gone. Only then did Remus turn around and retrieve his bag.

“Remus Lupin?”

Remus looked up as he hefted his duffle and adjusted his rucksack on one shoulder. A man was walking up to him: he was wearing tight jeans with a brown, braided belt; a flannel t-shirt was tucked into them. His grin was just a little to big, his eyes a little too bright. Remus' first thought was _yeah. Gay._

Switching his duffle to his left hand, Remus stuck out his right to the approaching man. “Yes, sir.”

To his surprise, Remus was pulled into a tight hug. A tight,  _lingering_ hug. He stiffened. Okay, this guy was  _definitely_ gay. And this was one of the counselors? How were they supposed to fix him if they couldn't even fix themselves?

“Remus, it's wonderful to see you here.” The man pulled away, but kept his hands on Remus' shoulders. “My name's Camp Counselor Martin Davies, but you can just call me Martin. We're going to do our best to make sure you get the help you need. Six weeks from now, and you'll have all the tools necessary to keep your SSA under control.”

“SSA?”

The man nodded, a compassionate expression on his face. Remus hated it. “Same-sex attraction.”

Remus nodded in understanding. “Right. Yeah.”

“Come on,” the man slung an arm around his shoulder. He smelled kind of sweaty, and Remus tensed. “I'll show you to your cabin.”

As they walked through the camp, Martin gave a quick tour and explained the way the camp worked. “Over there is the cafeteria. We all take breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time every day: seven, noon, and five. We have an early to bed, early to rise philosophy here. Nothing good ever came from wandering about after dark!” Remus' mind guiltily flashed back to the one evening he spent catching fireflies with the boy from the neighboring farm. His lips were chapped from the dry summer air when he had leaned in and pressed them to Remus'.

“No, sir,” he mumbled.

“Of course, Saturdays we have special after-dark events, like the bonfire we're having this Saturday.” They rounded a bend on the dirt road and came to a group of cabins. “Here's where all the campers sleep. Each camper is assigned a partner when they're here – but not _that_ kind of partner!” Martin laughed a little to hard. Remus joined in, knowing he was expected to. Remus had the feeling that Martin told this joke to every new camper. He continued talking, “No, not _that_ kind of partner. Our partners are here to help keep each other on the right path. You will be expected to report any inappropriate behavior that your partner exhibits, and he will do the same for you.”

They stopped in front of cabin seven, where the counselor hesitated at the door. “Your partner...he's not exactly the most well-behaved...” Martin seemed to be trying to figure out how to word something terrible in the most pleasant way possible. “He's a backslider. He's been here several times before and...is liable to cause trouble. But I think you're up to the challenge, Remus. I can tell you're going to give this camp your all.”

With that, Martin swung open the door for Remus and stepped back. “Remember: Dinner's at five. Until then, you can just spend your time setting up your bed and getting to know Sirius.”

Martin disappeared, and Remus was left facing an open door, duffle bag in his left hand and rucksack over his shoulder. With no little amount of trepidation, Remus stuck his head into the cabin, peering around.

The first thing he noticed upon popping his head inside the little cabin's doors was the smell of cigarette smoke, hanging thick in the air. The source of it was a black-haired boy sitting casually on the bed: long hair hanging in front of his eyes, one leg lying straight out before him on the bed, the other crooked up. The hand with the cigarette in it dangled from the one raised knee with a sort of casual elegance that made Remus' breath stutter. He immediately quashed those feelings, dropping his eyes and looking away from the boy on the bed.

“Mind opening a window? Smell's a bit thick in here, don't you think?”

The other boy – _Sirius_ , Remus reminded himself – lifted his head slowly, tilting it so his hair fell to one side, away from his eyes. Remus was struck by the silvery cast to his eyes, unlike anything he had ever seen before. After a moment of quiet consideration, a slow grin slid across his face. “Open it yourself.”

Remus sighed, chucking his bag next to his bed. Of course –  _of course_ – the only window was over Sirius' bed, meaning that Remus had to climb over the other boy to get to it.

Still, Remus straightened his shoulders and walked over to Sirius' bed. He could do this. He was here to get fixed, after all. If he couldn't even reach over another boy, some good he would be in the real world. With a deep breath, Remus climbed onto the bed, reaching over Sirius and swinging the window open. He was all-too-aware of the quiet, even breaths of the boy beneath him, and the way his knee rocked gently toward his midsection.

As soon as he was done Remus scrambled off the bed and hurried over to his own, putting as much distance between himself and the other boy as possible. Sirius just smirked knowingly at him, before flicking his cigarette out of the window and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “What's your name, new kid?”

“Remus Lupin.”

“Sirius Black.” Remus went to extended his hand for Sirius to shake, but Sirius just scoffed and stood up from his bed. “Didn't Camp Counselor Martin teach you how we do things here? We don't shake hands: we hug.”

Abruptly Remus found himself being pulled into a fierce hug. He stiffened automatically – until he smelled Sirius' hair. He took a shaking breath, breathing in a sort of woodsy, smokey scent. As he felt Sirius' muscular form mold against his, Remus reminded himself that Sirius only smelled that way because he had been smoking cigarettes in a wood cabin, and that Sirius' muscles weren't something he wanted to feel, but something he wanted to be. 

All of that didn't help control the erection that was slowly filling out his trousers.

Remus pulled away as quickly as he could without seeming suspicious, refusing to meet Sirius' mocking eyes as he curled up on his own bed. 

“I'm sure Martin told you how things supposedly worked around here, but that's all a bunch of bullshit. So here's how things _really_ work.” Sirius was bent over, rummaging through a loose floorboard beneath his bed. Remus did his best not to stare. “I charge twenty-five pence per session with the magazine,” Sirius punctuated this by tossing a crumpled magazine at Remus. He caught it, then immediately dropped it. There were half-naked men on the cover, looking... intimate. Remus wasn't sure if he wanted to know if they were less clothed on the inner pages. 

“One pound for a handjob, two pound for a blowjob. I'll do rimming, but only if you just showered, and that's gonna cost you four quid. Don't do anal, unless you're willing to fork over ten quid plus the cost of the lube. No way in hell I'm ever going dry again.”

Remus' mouth was hanging open, and Sirius grinned as he straightened back up from his little hiding spot. “Give it a week at this place, then tell me if you don't want me to help you forget for a few minutes.” He winked rakishly, and Remus found he had to shift on the bed. Again. How the camp counselors expected any boy to be able to sleep with Sirius Black just a few feet away, Remus would never know. 

With an air of self-importance Sirius checked his watch. He lit a cigarette as he stood, flashy zippo clicking open and shut in rapid succession. “Well, I've got an appointment.” Sirius winked at Remus again. _Fuck_. _That wink_... “See you at dinner. And shut the window if you're going to have one off. The counselors like to try and interrupt, and that just gets annoying after a while.”

In a whirlwind of cigarette smoke, silken black hair, and jeans pressing sinfully tight against skin, Sirius Black was gone from their cabin.

Remus shut the window.   
  
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus experiences his first round of SSA therapy.

Remus poked at his dinner, trying his best not to look guilty. He had done his best to think of gorgeous women as he had wanked, but flashes of grey eyes and silken black hair had intruded. Try as he might to convince himself that the long black hair in his fantasies belonged to some beautiful, exotic woman, Remus knew exactly whose warm mouth he had imagined sliding over his cock that afternoon.

“Remus!”

Remus jumped as Sirius slid into the seat next to him, bumping shoulders as he did.

“Noticed our window was closed when I went back to stash my cash before dinner. Have a good afternoon?” Sirius leaned into Remus, leer impossibly obvious.

Remus leaned away, poking at his food. “Having a wank doesn't make me...you know. Maybe I thought of girls.”

Shoveling food into his mouth, Sirius snorted. “Yeah, and I absolutely hate having one off in the shower with some gorgeous bloke.” Leaning in far too close again, Sirius pressed his mouth nearly to Remus' ear. “'Course, been a lack of gorgeous guys as of late...until you walked into my cabin.”

“Sirius!”

Remus shrank away from Sirius, trying to make himself as small as possible. Sirius just raised a hand in mock-salute to Counselor Martin, who was striding over to their table. “Martin! How's the Missus?”

Martin's grin was too-wide again, Remus noticed – especially so at the mention of his wife. “She's doing just fine, Sirius. Now, are you bothering Remus?”

“Managed to get the Missus pregnant yet?”

Remus' eyes flickered back and forth between Sirius and Martin. It didn't take a genius to see that this was a sensitive area of discussion for the counselor – nor did it take a genius to figure out why.

Sirius continued, seemingly unperturbed by the commotion he was making. “Besides, I was just introducing Remus to 'sharing masculinity'. Since we have a session tonight, I thought he ought to be prepared.”

Beneath the table, Sirius' foot kicked Remus'. He only hesitated a moment before speaking up. “He really was explaining it, Counselor Martin. I didn't want to look like an idiot tonight during the...uh...session.”

Martin's grin relaxed somewhat, and he nodded. “Alright then. Just...stay on your guard, Remus. Temptation is everywhere, and backsliding is sometimes easier than breathing.”

Remus nodded seriously. Sirius' foot was sliding slowly over his calf beneath the dining table.

As Counselor Martin left, Sirius turned back to Remus with an interested gleam in his eyes. “Nice job, Remus. I'll make a partner of you yet. And I don't mean partner the way Martin does.”

Sirius' foot was caressing the back of Remus' knee. He tried not to whimper, opting to turn back to his food and focus on eating instead. Fucking hell. Sirius Black.

**

That evening after dinner, Remus followed a chortling Sirius to the center cabin of the camp. All the counselors and campers were assembled there, paired off in little groups of six or so apiece. Remus let Sirius drag him over toward one of the groups – ignoring the touch of Sirius' strong fingers around his wrist and the swagger of Sirius' hips in those jeans.

"Sirius! Is this your new partner Counselor Martin mentioned?"

Remus suddenly found himself the subject of the scrutiny of four other boys his own age and one camp counselor he hadn't met yet. Sirius, perhaps sensing Remus' awkwardness, perhaps just butting in because that's how he was - brash and loud - spoke up. “This is Remus. He's seen the error of his poofter ways and has decided to be cured!”

Remus bristled slightly at being called a “poofter”, but kept silent. That was, after all, the reason he was here.

Sirius' sarcasm didn't go unnoticed by the camp counselor, who pressed his lips together, but seemed to come to the decision to ignore Sirius in favor of Remus. He gathered that Sirius acted like this often enough that such behavior drew little attention from the staff.

The counselor turned toward Remus, smiling warmly. This man had dark brown hair and brown eyes. He seemed a touch more tolerable than Counselor Martin, but there was still something off about his smile. Like he was trying to hard, or it almost had an edge of desperation to it. Remus was beginning to realize most of the men, and some of the boys, around the camp had the same desperate hint to their smile. With a shudder, Remus had a flash of an image of himself sporting that same smile. The thought unnerved him. “I'm Camp Counselor Liam James, but you can call me Counselor Liam. Counselor Martin told me Sirius had already explained to you the basics of what we're going to do here at dinner?"

Remus' mind immediately went back to Sirius' foot rubbing against his leg at dinner, and the hand that tried to creep up his thigh. Remus had squirmed away from the hand, pushing it forcibly aside at one point. He hadn't pushed aside the foot. That lingered, rubbing against the back of his knee and calf. Remus had been too weak to push it aside.

In response to Counselor Liam, Remus nodded. Slowly. “He said...about reclaiming 'lost masculinity'?”

Counselor Liam's smiled eased into something a little more genuine. “That's right, Remus. See, the feelings that you have for other men are only there because you don't feel masculine enough. Here at SSA rehabilitation camp, we help you regain that masculinity through a few different methods: sports, acting-therapy, studying the Word, and – as you'll see here tonight – through transference of the masculine touch.”

Liam turned to two of the boys who were standing off to his side. “Lucius? John? Why don't you two demonstrate for Remus one way to transfer masculinity to your fellow campers?”

“ _Luscious Lucius_.” Sirius' breath was hot against Remus' ear, and he started in surprise. Turning back to glance at Sirius, Remus was only treated to an eyebrow waggle and a head nod. He turned back to the two boys, agreeing in some dark corner of his mind with Sirius – Lucius was quite luscious. 

The blonde-haired boy – Lucius – sat down on the ground with the brown-haired boy – John. Counselor Liam indicated everyone else should sit, so Remus followed suit – avoiding being pulled into Sirius' lap at the last second with some careful wriggling. Sirius pouted but shifted closer, bumping their knees together. Remus decided to leave him that bit of contact – just to appease Sirius, of course. He'd rather not be touching the other boy at all. Of course.

To Remus' astonishment, Lucius sat in back of John, spreading his legs out so that John could sit between them. When they were plastered firmly together, chest-to-back, Lucius wrapped his arms around John and squeezed him tight. Remus was fairly certain his mouth was hanging open. _This_ was supposed to _not_ be gay?

Counselor Liam was saying something, and Remus hurried to focus on it. “-what we call the 'motorcycle' position. Lucius is sending his masculinity to John through this affirmative, masculine touch. In a moment they will switch, and the process will start again.”

Hesitantly, Remus raised his hand. “How...how does this...I mean...work?”

Counselor Liam's grin turned a little more plastic at the question. “What do you mean?”

“Well...” Sirius' knee was warm against Remus' leg. He tried not to attribute his boldness to the brash boy sitting next to him. “Well, besides the fact that they're hugging...” Lucius abruptly dropped his arms from around John and they scooted away from each other. Remus thought they might have both been hiding erections as they adjusted their positions on the floor. “If Lucius is here because he's lost his masculinity, and John is here because he lost his, where are we supposed to get it from?” The rest of the boys were staring at Remus with just a touch of awe, while Liam's face grew stormier and stormier. “I mean, if masculinity is on a zero to ten scale, and we all come in here with zero, then we're just passing zero back and forth. Even if we all had five 'masculine points', then by reversing the seating positions you're just trading it right back, so it's the same as when you started. It's a closed system. You can't _gain_ in a closed system.”

Next to him, Sirius let out a triumphant whoop, slinging his arm around Remus' shoulder and pulling him in close. Remus swallowed hard and tried not to lean into Sirius' embrace. He didn't pull away, either.

Liam turned away from Remus for a moment, gesturing to some camp counselors who were idling against one wall of the cabin. One came over, and Liam directed him to Sirius and Remus. “Escort these two back to their cabin. These  _backsliders_ need to copy scripture until lights out. Start with Leviticus Eighteen.” The last part was directed at Sirius and Remus.

Remus blinked, mouth agape and Sirius' arm still heavy around his shoulder. “B-b-but...I'm not...I just wanted to understand how it works! I'm not trying to-”

Practically in his ear, Sirius snorted loudly before dragging him to his feet. “Oh no, Remi-dear. You questioned their methods. That makes you as much as a 'backslider' as gorgeous ol' me.” 

Remus tried to protest again, but found himself being dragged away by Sirius and the nameless camp counselor Liam had ordered to escort them back to their cabin. Within minutes he found himself shut in with Sirius, a Bible in both of their hands and pages of blank copy paper at the two small desks against the back wall of their cabin. Remus stared blankly down at the Bible in his hand.

Next to him, Sirius was having no indecision as to his actions. He tossed the Bible on his desk, climbed up onto his bed, and lit a cigarette. 

Remus stood in the middle of the room, hesitating between actually sitting down and writing the lines, and snuggling up on his bed with a piece of chocolate and trying to get to sleep. 

Sirius – of course – made the decision for him. With a slow, sultry grace that surely no teenage boy should possess, he turned to Remus, quiet grin quirking at his lips as cigarette smoke curled out from between them. “Wanna try some masculine touch therapy in here?” His hand not curled around the cigarette patted at his bed, fingers stroking at the sheets slowly. 

Remus knew this was a terrible idea. He absolutely, without a doubt,  _knew_ that he only wanted to climb up on that bed and hug Sirius because he was attracted to him.  _But what if it works_ ? a traitorous little corner of his mind whispered. He had promised his parents that he would try everything to get cured, and do everything the camp counselors suggested. Maybe the masculinity sharing really did work? Through some sort of...exponential growth...thing?

With a skeptical look, Remus climbed up onto Sirius' bed. “I know what you're trying to do,” he growled.

Sirius' arms and legs quickly wrapped around him, drawing him into a far more gentle embrace than Remus might have imagined himself. Not that he had imagined what Sirius' embrace might have felt like. “I'm just trying to make my masculine energy spread into you.” Sirius' breath tickled at Remus' ear. A moment later, Remus felt the faintest touch of Sirius' lips there. “Don't you want my masculine energy deep inside you?”

Huffing indignantly, Remus tried to disentangle himself from Sirius. “Come on, shove off!”

Behind him, Sirius was laughing and grabbing for his flailing limbs, trying to hold him in place. “Hey, hey! Come on! I was just fooling. Relax.”

In increments Remus relaxed against Sirius, until they were sitting comfortably again with Sirius wrapped around Remus. “This feels...nice.” Remus suddenly tensed. “Is it supposed to feel nice?”

“Bollocksed if I know.” Sirius' lips were against Remus' neck now, chin resting on the crook of Remus' shoulder. “Parents just keep shoving me here anytime school's out. Haven't been magically cured yet. Still want to suck cock and fuck boys.”

Remus tilted his head back slightly. “But you don't sound like you've even tried. Maybe...if you tried harder...didn't get boys off in the bathrooms...”

Sirius scoffed, nudging his head against Remus' neck. “Yeah right. 'sides: how'd I get cigarette money other wise?”

There was a lull as Remus tried to think of a response to that besides “Don't smoke”. His mind drifted, and it was with a start that Remus realized Sirius was kissing and licking gently at his neck. To his chagrin, Remus realized that his body had taken notice while his mind had been wandering. “I...I have to...” He pulled away from Sirius, practically diving onto his own bed and yanking up the covers. Sirius was laughing behind him.

“Oh, come on, Remus! It's just a bit of fun!”

But Remus shook his head viciously, shoving his face into his pillow and crossing his legs tightly. “You might not care, Sirius, but I do. I came here to get cured.”

Remus could feel the change in Sirius' demeanor before the boy even spoke. The smell of cigarettes grew less cloying, and Remus figured Sirius had thrown his dying butt out of the window. “Fine. Be a closet case. But when you get tired of your hand and need a good blow in a week, don't come looking for me.”

With that, Sirius snapped the bedside lamp off. It was another hour before Remus could get to sleep.    
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus follows Sirius into the woods and meets some kids from another camp.

Remus woke the next morning to the sound of faint scratching on wood. He opened his eyes to the wall next to his bed, blinking a few times before he realized it wasn't even dawn yet. The air was lighter than night: pre-dawn, then. Still, it was barely enough illumination to see the wall just a few inches in front of his nose.

Listening carefully, Remus could make out the sounds of Sirius replacing his secret loose board in the floor. There were a few seconds of pence jangling around in pockets, then socks slipping into trainers. A moment later their door swung open, then shut. It was only then that Remus allowed himself to sit up and peer out his window. He caught a glimpse of a hooded Sirius trudging quickly away from camp, into the woods. It took all of two seconds for Remus to make the decision to follow him before he was dressed and out the door.

It was well before the seven o'clock breakfast call, and the rest of the camp was still sound asleep. Remus held his breath as he sneaked past the counselors' cabins, but there wasn't even the slightest sound of stirring from within. Once out in the woods, Remus tread less carefully, trusting the early morning sounds of birds and insects awakening to cover the quiet crack and crunch of his trainers over the soft ground.

Maybe a half kilometer into the woods, Sirius stopped, inclining his head slightly without turning around. “If you're going to follow me, you might as well walk with me. Get up here.”

Not questioning Sirius' proclamation, Remus jogged a few feet to catch up with him. The two boys continued forward, Remus silently examining his fingernails as they walked, Sirius with his hands shoved deep in his hoodie's pockets. After another half kilometer, Remus felt the need to break the preternatural, predawn silence. “I was making sure you weren't getting into trouble.”

Sirius snorted, though his mood seemed to improve with the lie. He tilted his head slightly, pale grey eyes peeking out from the edge of his hoodie. “Sure, Remus. Titillated at the thought of seeing me get a guy off?”

Remus blushed, ducking his head away from Sirius' knowing gaze. “Just checking on you. They said I'd get in trouble if I couldn't control you.”

“Better get used to getting in trouble, in that case.”

Remus had nothing to say to that, so they fell silent again. The birds were starting to wake in earnest, now: chirping and making all sorts of racket around them. The buzz of cicadas started up as the sun rose and touched away the dark shadows of the forests, and soon enough the silence between the two boys was more bearable, with the sounds of the living forest mitigating it.

Another kilometer into the forest, and Remus was starting to grow worried. If they went much farther, they wouldn't make it back to camp before the counselors woke. Just as he was working up the guts to raise his concern to Sirius, the other boy stopped and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Aroooo!”

Remus blinked at the howl, but before he could ask about it, an answering howl could be heard just over the next ridge. Sirius grinned, starting forward purposefully.

Before they had even reached the top of the little hill, a tousled mop of black hair poked out of the top. It was soon followed by a bespectacled boy, looking around Sirius and Remus' own age. A moment later another boy appeared next to him: this one blonde and slightly heavier, panting a little at the climb up the hill.

“Oi, you dog! How's camp poofter?”

Sirius grinned, launching himself at the dark-haired boy. “Better'n camp footie-champion. Tired of getting your arse handed to you yet?”

The other boy just laughed into a fierce hug, before pulling away and attempting to give Sirius a friendly noogie, which he managed to squirm out of. “Not happened yet, you know that. Ask Pete the same question and you might get a yes.”

Remus examined the other boys, ignoring the small flare-up of jealousy he felt upon seeing how close Sirius and the dark-haired boy were. With his arm still slung around the as-of-yet-nameless boy, Sirius turned to Remus. His grin immediately grew feral, eyes flashing at something he must have seen in Remus' eyes. “Jealous, Remus dear?”

Ducking his head, Remus focused on poking at pebbles with his trainers. “Not my business who you're with.”

The other boy made a disgusted noise, and Remus' eyes flickered up to see the boy pulling away from a Sirius who seemed intent on snogging the side of his face. “Oi! Get off, you old queen! Yuck!”

Sirius laughed, finally giving up and turning his attention back to Remus. “No worries, love: James here isn't bent. Neither is Pete. So you've got no competition for a piece of my gorgeous arse.” Sirius promptly turned around and waggled said arse at Remus, shoving it practically into his lap.

Remus had a hard time suppressing a smile as he pushed Sirius away. “Stop it,” he muttered, though the protest lacked any conviction. Remus decided to ignore the knowing glance Sirius and James shared.

“How's Evans doing?”

James immediately went beet red, from the tips of his ears down his neck. Remus glanced between the two boys, until Peter stepped in and explained. “Evans is Lily Evans. She goes to the girl's summer camp across the lake from us.”

Sirius made doe-eyes at James, clasping his hands over his heart melodramatically. “She's James' _one true looove_.”

Remus suppressed another smile as James half-heartedly shoved at Sirius, and a quick scuffle ensued. Sirius emerged the victor, holding James in a headlock as the dark-haired boy shouted “Sirius is my king! Sirius is my king!” until Sirius let him go.

Their apparent greeting rituals aside, James and Sirius settled down to business. An indeterminate amount of money exchanged hands, and then James was handing over a couple packs of cigarettes, and Peter what appeared to be a thimbleful of lighter fluid. Sirius lit one of the cigarettes immediately, sighing as he blew a thick column of smoke straight above their heads. “Nothing like the first fag of the day,” he muttered, face still tilted upwards. He cocked it slightly to the side, eyes sliding over to meet Remus'. “Right?”

Remus coughed to hide his blush. “Dunno,” he finally mumbled, for lack of a better response.

James, apparently taking pity on Remus, clasped him on the shoulder amicably. “He comes on a bit strong, doesn't he?”

Rems scuffed his toe in the dirt, shrugging one shoulder. Sirius spoke up for him, nudging him with his arm. “Hey, I'll make Remus my partner-in-crime yet. He questioned the 'masculine touch therapy' last night, his first day here.”

James cackled at the mention of 'masculine touch therapy', before grabbing Peter and wrapping his arms around him. “Peter! Peter! Do you feel my _masculine energy_ flowing through you?”

Peter squirmed and laughed, shoving at James playfully. Remus watched the proceedings with baffled amusement. He had never had male friends like this before – ones that touched and wrestled, without any thought for how it might look. The only time he had been physical with another boy, their playful grappling had led to kissing and then...punishment. He was surprised straight boys could act that way. He was surprised straight boys could be friends with poofters. 

Sirius' glance faltered on Remus, his grin softening a little. His arm touched against Remus more gently than before, causing Remus to glance over at him. “Hey. You need to...”

But Remus shrugged him off, turning away. “Done? We need to get back to camp.”

Sirius frowned, but didn't comment. Instead he turned back to James and Peter, giving them both a bruising, manly hug before tapping Remus on the shoulder. “Two days, James?”

James waved one hand, and the two other boys were off, back to their own camp. 

As they walked back, Remus tried to ignore the way their shoulders brushed ever-so-casually with their footsteps. He chanced a few glances to his side, only to find Sirius focused on the ground in front of him, or the cigarette as he brought it to his lips.

“How do you know James?”

Sirius took a long drag before answering. “We all go to boarding school together. James is my best mate. When he found out about my folks sending me here, he figured out about the footie camp nearby. He was already the star player at our school, so it was easy to convince his parents to send him there for the summer. That way, he can help me out.” Sirius flicked ash from the end of his cigarette pointedly before drawing it back up to his lips.

“So...is that really why you give the blowjobs? And handjobs and...whatever.” Remus had to abruptly halt the line of thinking about what other sorts of services Sirius might render. “For cigarette money?”

Sirius' eyes slid sideways over to Remus again, but he looked away before shrugging one shoulder awkwardly. “Yeah. 'Course.”

Even though Sirius' behavior was suspicious, and he _knew_ that couldn't possibly be the only motivation behind Sirius'...promiscuity... Remus let the issue drop. He wasn't there to pry into the other boy's life, after all.

They sneaked back into their cabin just as the counselors started their wake-up rounds for breakfast.   
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius play some sports to improve their masculinity.

A bead of sweat ran down Sirius' leg, zig-zagging in the groves behind his knee, before sliding down the long, lean muscle of his calf and disappearing into his sock. Another bead started the same journey, originating somewhere beneath the bright red gym shorts he was wearing. The waistband was looped over itself once, making them shorter and sit higher on his already sinfully exposed thighs. The yellow vest he was wearing was cut up, revealing far too much of his chest, arms, and clavicle. Another bead of sweat started rolling down his throat, into the hollow of that jutting clavicle bone.

Remus' mouth was hanging open. His legs were splayed in a stretch, but he had forgotten long minutes ago that he was actually supposed to be stretching. His mind was lost somewhere in Sirius' gym shorts.

A flick of black hair and flash of grey eyes, and Remus was staring Sirius in the face. “See something you like?”

Remus fell backwards, legs pulling at wrong angles. He groaned, clutching his groin as tendons protested the overextension.

“Have trouble with your groin? Need any help?”

Remus scrambled away from Sirius' groping hands, wincing as he stood up. “It's fine! Fine. Just...overdid the stretching...”

Sirius snorted, but whatever response he might have had was cut short by the camp counselor in charge of sports – Camp Counselor Mitchell – clapping his hands together three times.

“Alright, campers! Today, we are going to try and reclaim our masculinity by good, healthy competition and sport. In your life, you'll have to learn how to work with others, and by yourself, so we have two different sports for today: track and field, and cricket. In track and field, you will learn how to use your powerful, male bodies as tools against other men. They are-”

Remus stopped listening around the phrase “powerful, male bodies”. Now all he could focus on was Sirius, bending over and touching his toes. _His_ _arse...like a ripe peach_...Remus shook his head viciously and glanced around him. Most of the other boys seemed to be thinking the same thing as him – some with Sirius as the focus of their lusty gaze, some with other boys. Sirius seemed to be the only boy unaffected by the sight of so many half-naked boys surrounding him, as he carried on his stretching seemingly unperturbed. 

They split up into four groups, one for each lane of the dirt track. Sirius was just behind him, and Remus thought it might be a blessing that he couldn't stare at the other boy without being obvious – until Sirius leaned in close and started whispering into his ear. The overpowering scent of cigarette smoke and musky sweat made Remus' vision swim for a moment.

“Ready to use your _powerful male body_ , Remus?”

Remus pushed an elbow back, nudging at Sirius. The other boy just switched to the other side, pressing his body even closer to Remus'. “But _Remus-dear_ ,” he whined, “I want to see your _tool_ being used on me. Come on...”

“Remus! You're up, let's go!”

Nudging Sirius away, Remus stepped up to the line and squatted down into a runner's starting position. He heard Sirius wolf-whistle behind him, but ignored it. He was actually pretty good at running. Maybe...if he won the race...Sirius might...

The whistle of the camp counselor started Remus forward like a rocket. For the blissful few seconds of the hundred meter dash, Remus was able to push all thoughts of Sirius Black from his mind, and focus on legs pumping, arms moving, and chest heaving. 

Nine seconds later, Remus was gasping through a broad smile. “Best time yet! Good job, Remus. That's how you focus your masculine energies.”

With a shifty little movement, Remus managed to slide out from under the sweaty palm of the camp counselor whose name he didn't know yet. Were they seriously all like that?

A few seconds later, Sirius crossed the finish line in under ten seconds – though not by much. He glared at Remus playfully, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and punching him in the arm in one, somehow smooth, motion. “You're pretty good at running, huh? I'd expect you to be tired.”

Remus blinked, frowning at the odd assumption. “Why?” Abruptly he realized it must have something to do with their morning hike. “I'm used to walking long distances on the farm every day, so this morning-”

But Sirius was already speaking again, apparently caught up in his own punch-line. “I'd expect you to be tired of running, since you've been  _running through my thoughts all night_ .”

With a sigh, Remus shrugged a cackling Sirius off of him. “Come on, Sirius. That wasn't even smooth.”

Remus swallowed as they queued up for the next race. Sirius' eyes had gone all bedroom on him: dark, smokey, and lusty. “Wanna see how smooth I can be?”

“Remus! Get up here! You've got a kilometer to run!”

Ignoring Sirius' baleful eyes and batting eyelashes, Remus started up to the line, again. This time, he had several long minutes in which he could empty his mind of Sirius and just focus on keeping his pace. 

When he finished his kilometer, Remus stood on the edge of the track and watched the other boys run as he gulped some water. Sirius was running: long, loping strides, though not nearly as fast as Remus could run. Still, Sirius in motion was a thing of beauty. As he drew closer, circling the track, Remus could see he had a grin on his face – as if running released all the worries and stress in his life. He would have to revise his opinion of the camp counselors. Whatever they did and thought they knew, sport was definitely the sort of release these boys needed. Especially if it made Sirius look that carefree. 

Remus offered Sirius a paper cup of water when he jogged over, finished with his kilometer. “What was your time?” Sirius finally managed to gasp, after taking a long swallow.

Remus tore his eyes away from Sirius' adam's apple. “Five thirty, thereabouts.”

“Bugger!” Sirius laughed, clasping Remus on the shoulder and leaning on him slightly. Remus let him. He was tired from the run, after all. Sirius just needed someone to support him. “I was seven thirty! How are you so much faster?”

“Farm life,” Remus mumbled. 

With a disbelieving chuckle, Sirius pushed himself off of Remus. Upturning the cup of water, Sirius shook his head and let the water fall all over his face, head, and chest. Droplets of water glistened in the sunlight as they rolled over Sirius' clear skin. Remus might have whited-out, just for a moment.

“-going to show you up, now. Hitting balls with sticks is what I'm an _expert_ at.”

Remus blinked, taking several deep breaths. Right. They were going to play cricket next. Remus allowed a grinning Sirius to drag him by his wrist over to the make-shift cricket field. 

Sirius  _was_ a great deal better at cricket than he was at track and field. Every time he was up, he knocked the ball far out and went dashing between the edges of the pitch. Remus was just happy if he could make contact when he was up. 

Afterwards, they were lying sprawled on the cool grass, gulping at water and flicking it at each other on occasion. After one particularly vicious streak of cold water poured down the front of his shirt by a cackling Sirius, Remus threw a leg over him to keep him in place. “Stay down!” he laughed. “Now I know why James calls you an old dog. Really, he should call you a mangy mutt.” 

Sirius laughed and flexed his thigh against Remus' leg in a half-hearted attempt to escape. “I'm a pure-bred, thanks much. You're the mutt.”

“Sirius! Remus! Appropriate contact!”

Remus abruptly pulled his leg off of Sirius', covering his face guiltily. “I...I didn't mean...”

“Hey, hey,” Sirius' touch was subtle, and unlikely to be seen by the camp counselors patrolling the edges of the field. It was just the barest caress of finger pads over the inside of Remus' wrist. “Those guys are just arses.”

Remus relaxed into the touch, flicking his fingers gently over Sirius' in a display of mutual reassurance. “Yeah, yeah.” He let his head loll to the side, examining Sirius through squinting eyes. The incident earlier during stretching bubbled up to the forefront of his mind: Sirius unselfconsciously touching his toes while the other boys watched hungrily. “How come...I mean, earlier...I...”

Sirius' kind grin made Remus feel more at ease. Sirius' eyes softened, and fingers increased the pressure on his wrist. “Whatever it is, I've either heard it before or done it myself. Nothing you say is going to shock me.” Apparently realizing how nice he sounded, Sirius scoffed and turned away. “I mean, fucking been _here_ long enough.”

With Sirius' encouragement, Remus tried again. “Earlier, when we were stretching, and Counselor Mitchell was talking...all the boys were looking. You know. At other boys.”

Sirius' slow smile wasn't mocking, but he also didn't hide the leer that was slowly shaping his features. “Were you looking?”

Remus decided to change tactic, forcing himself to look Sirius in those piercing grey eyes. “Would I be here if I wasn't?”

Sirius' fingers tightened on Remus' wrist, wrapping all the way around this time as his thumb stroked slowly over the pale veins beneath the skin. “So you want to know why I wasn't eye-fucking everyone in sight?” Remus made a little murmuring noise of confirmation. “Because I've only got eyes for _you_ , Remus-dear.”

Remus squirmed away from Sirius, but he pulled him back. “ _Real_ answer, Sirius.”

Sirius nodded, not loosening his grip on Remus' wrist. He answered without any more coaxing. “'Cause I've actually done the fucking.” Remus frowned, and Sirius continued. “Look: I don't have to sit around and _gaze longingly_ at the other boys, since I actually get action. And don't feel guilty as fuck for getting it.” 

Remus considered this for a moment, rolling it around in his mind. “So the solution to being gay is to have one off with a guy?”

“Interested?”

With an undignified giggle, Remus pushed Sirius off of him, who was rolling on top of him and trying to snog the side of his face. 

Not a second later, two camp counselors stormed over and pulled the boys apart. They were assigned another two pages of scripture copying, to be turned in before dinner.    
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus gets an eyeful. Sirius helps him out.

Remus sighed, setting down his pencil. He glanced over at Sirius, who had his head resting on one arm as he lazily copied down lines with the other. “Why are you even copying lines, this time?”

Sirius' head rolled along his arm until he was peering up at Remus. “Because they threatened to put me on latrine duty if I didn't. And I _know_ what I've done in those bathrooms, and I definitely don't want to be the one cleaning them.”

With a groan Sirius threw down his pencil, looking balefully at Remus. “But now that you mention it, I could kill for a smoke. And the latrines. See you at dinner?”

Remus hummed an affirmation, watching out of the corner of his eye as Sirius grabbed his cigarettes and lighter and headed out. His eyes drifted to the window, following Sirius as he trudged over to the bathrooms. He could see another boy heading that direction as well. 

Remus bent his head down to the paper in front of him.

**

Sirius wasn't at dinner. Sirius wasn't at dinner, and Remus felt strangely bereft. Remus' foot was jangling nervously under the table. A few of the other boys tried to talk to him, but all he could think about was the conspicuous absence of Sirius.

It wasn't until one of the boys snickered, commenting “Looks like Luscious wasn't hungry tonight,” and another boy chortled back: “Not for food, at least,” that Remus sat upright and glanced around. They were right. Lucius was nowhere to be seen. And neither was Sirius.

Remus practically upturned the picnic table when he stood up. “I...sick...” he proclaimed. The other boys barely even spared him a second glance as he put his tray in the cleaning rack and hurried off to the latrines.

To his surprise, Remus found the bathrooms curiously empty, aside from a single camp counselor. Remus went to the bathroom quickly and hurried out. If Sirius wasn't there because of the counselor, Remus had no clue what alternate location he might use. Out of options and unable to return to the dining hall, Remus decided to go to his cabin. Sirius would turn up, eventually.

Thoughts still on the black-haired boy, Remus swung open the door to his cabin.

Inside was Sirius. Sirius and Lucius. On Sirius' bed. Sirius on his knees, mouth and hand wrapped around Lucius'...

Remus knew he should move, or speak, or leave, or do _something_ besides standing there and staring at Lucius lying on the bed, head thrown back and mouth wide open in pleasure, his blonde hair sticking to the sides of his face. Sirius' dark head bobbed rhythmically, and Remus blanched at the pornographic slurping noises that reached his ears. 

Though he couldn't recall doing it, Remus must have made a noise, because Lucius' eyes flew open and Sirius lifted his head lazily, turning toward the door. When his eyes met Remus', his carefully constructed mask of nonchalance and cockiness paled, and mouth dropped open. That mouth that had just been wrapped around Lucius'...

Before Remus could even move, Lucius had pulled up his trousers and raced past him, out into the evening air. Sirius and Remus were alone in the cabin, both with their mouths hanging open and eyes unable to look away. 

Sirius moved first, crawling on his knees to the edge of the bed. “Remus, listen, sorry I did it here. The counselor was guarding the bathrooms, and Lucius was gagging for it, offering me double. I thought you'd be at dinner another ten minutes, and we would have finished up by then...”

Remus didn't hear a word Sirius said. All he could do was focus on were Sirius' lips: those swollen, red, lips. Those lips that had just...were just...

Two steps, and Remus was in Sirius' arms, pushing him back onto the bed. There was a moment of confusion as Remus pressed his lips to Sirius', but in an instant Sirius' mouth was opening and allowing him access. Their tongues tangled, and Remus found himself nearly sobbing into Sirius' mouth at how good it felt, how  _right_ . 

Before he knew what was happening, Remus found himself being flipped, and Sirius' legs straddling him. His shirt disappeared, followed by his jeans. Sirius was kissing his way down Remus' body, setting  _fire_ to him, nipping and licking at his nipples, his ribs, his navel. When Sirius' mouth finally reached Remus' engorged cock, all he had to do was flick his tongue over the tip before Remus was coming, harder than any of those guilty, late-night wanks he had tried on his own. 

Senses clearing, the first thing Remus became aware of was the creaking of Sirius' bed. He blinked, slowly, before managing to summon the effort to look down. Sirius was jerking himself frantically, free hand gripping Remus' leg hard enough to bruise. A moment later his entire body stiffened, mouth falling open as soft exclamations of “Ah – ah!” spilled forth. 

The sight of Sirius' come bubbling between his fingers jolted Remus back to reality, and he scrambled out from under Sirius. Muscles still filled with lassitude from his orgasm, Sirius frowned over at Remus, who was pulling on trousers and shirt. “Remi...wait...wait...”

“No!” Remus' face was burning. No: his entire _body_ was on fire from Sirius' touch. But it shouldn't be, it shouldn't be, he shouldn't be like this, or feel like this because of a boy...

He didn't realize he had said the last part out loud until Sirius spoke, reaching out a hand in reassurance. “No, Remus, listen, it's okay. Everyone else who says it's wrong just doesn't understand. Listen...”

“Get off me! Get off!” Remus slapped Sirius' hand away, falling backwards onto his bed when a step back pressed his knees up against its edge. “I can't... _be_ like this.” 

“Why not?”

“Because it's fucking sick!” 

Remus panted, curled up into a ball and as far into the back corner of his bed as he could be. Sirius stared back at him with wide eyes, spent cock still resting on his thigh, for all the world to see. He tore his gaze away.

“It's _wrong_ , Sirius. Paid any attention to those Bible verses we've been copying? God doesn't want us to be this way. Fucking _biology_ doesn't want us to be this way. You really think we were built to shove cocks up our arses?” Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Remus cut him off with a heated glare. “I don't want to hear it, Sirius. I'm here to get _cured_. So stop trying to fuck with me.”

In a fury, Sirius jumped up and yanked on his jeans. “ _Me_ fuck with  _you_ ? Think you have it the other way around,  _Remus-dear_ .” The last words were a mocking snarl. Remus ignored the way his heart clenched painfully to hear the former endearment twisted. “When you get your head sorted out, you come to me. Oh, and don't worry:” Sirius leaned in close, forcing Remus to pull away until his head bumped into the cabin wall, “no charge, this time.”

When the door slammed behind Sirius, tears began to fall from Remus' eyes. He snuffled, wiping the back of his hand across them. Sirius was a  _boy_ . And so was Remus. He had plenty of reasons  _not_ to cry.

Ignoring the twinge of worry over Sirius being out in the woods as night began to fall, Remus crawled over to the edge of his bed and grabbed his rucksack, rummaging through it until he found a bar of chocolate. With another sniff, he bit into the bar, letting the slightly bitter snack wash away any taste of Sirius still on his lips.   
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucius confronts Remus, Sirius defends his honor, and the boys come to an understanding(-ish).

The next morning, Remus awoke slow and groggy, blinking in the pre-dawn light. The taste of old chocolate was still in his mouth and on his lips, and Remus wrinkled his nose and shifted as he noticed the discarded chocolate wrappers littering the bed. Behind him, he could hear Sirius shuffling around in the cabin, but he didn't stir. Just the thought of Sirius made Remus feel sick: like he wanted to vomit, or scrub his mouth with bleach, or his whole body – even better. There was no way Remus was going to face him any earlier than he had to. No reason Remus needed to be reminded of the sickening shame of what they had done just hours before. 

Five minutes, and Remus could feel Sirius pause, turning toward him. There was a moment when Remus squeezed his eyes shut, absolutely positive that he could  _feel_ Sirius' hand hovering just above his covers, begging to touch his shoulder or arm. But then the sensation vanished, and Remus could hear quiet footsteps over the floor, until the door swung shut and it was quiet again. 

Only then did Remus push the covers down, uncurling and lying in the warming morning air. He ignored his morning erection, although he could feel it sitting hard and heavy between his legs. There was no way he was going to be able to wank without thinking of Sirius' tongue, and hands, and  _lips_ ...so he wouldn't. 

Instead, Remus got dressed – shoving his erection to his jeans while grimacing – and headed out for a quick morning jog before breakfast. Hopefully, if he could get blood pumping to other areas of his body, it might leave his blasted penis alone.

**

At breakfast, Remus studiously avoided Sirius' puppy-dog eyes and non-too-subtle hints for him to join him at his table. He sat as far away as he could, back to the rest of the mess hall. If he could just  _avoid_ Sirius, not look at him for long enough, maybe the feelings would go away. Or at least  _lessen_ .

So absorbed was he in his greasy breakfast and  _not_ thinking about Sirius, Remus didn't notice the other boy coming up behind him until there was a hard shove in the middle of his back. Remus pitched forward, only barely keeping his face out of his breakfast tray. 

“Remus! Get up!”

Shocked, Remus spun around in his seat, coming navel-to-face with an irate Lucius. Quickly he stood up, bringing himself eye-level with the other boy. 

“Where do you get off stealing my whore? I paid good money for that blowjob yesterday,” Lucius hissed.

Remus felt his face go hot, but he managed to stammer out a response. “I didn't  _steal_ anyone. I was just going to my cabin; I bunk there, too. It's not Sirius' private...brothel!”

To his surprise, his perfectly reasonable explanation didn't seem to deter Lucius. If anything, it made him angrier. “Don't think I don't know what you two did in there after I left.” A cruel smirk painted Lucius' thin lips. “I was barely out the door by the time  _you_ finished, anyway.”

Remus panicked, looking around desperately for a camp counselor to save him. They were so quick to separate “inappropriate” touching with him and Sirius, yet with Lucius practically ready to deck him, the adults seemed unconcerned.

A flurry of black hair caught Remus' attention from the corner of his eye, and suddenly there was Sirius, tackling Lucius to the ground and fists flying. 

“You shut your cock-sucking mouth about him, Lucius!” Remus could only stare as Sirius punctuated every clause with a brutal punch to Lucius' jaw. “You fucking pretty boy, wouldn't know a real man if he shoved his cock up your arse!”

_That_ seemed to get the counselors' attention, and there were two of them there in an instant, pulling a still kicking and hollering Sirius off of Lucius. 

“-sniveling piece of shit! You don't know Remus! You're worthless compared to him! _You don't know him_!”

To his shock, Remus found a third counselor placing a hand on his shoulder and escorting him away. “Office. Now.”

A whirlwind of noise and shouting later, and Remus found himself sitting in front of a stern-looking man, with severe eyes and greying hair. He wasn't sure where Sirius had been carted off to, but he thought he saw him being led back to their cabin. Remus wondered how many lines they would make him copy for this.

The man and Remus stared at each other in silence for long, long seconds. The man's eyebrows were drawn fiercely together, forming deep furrows in his brow. Remus dropped his eyes from that gaze, alighting on a nameplate on the front of his desk: Pastor Philip. 

“You've been quite the backslider already, Remus.”

Remus' eyes flickered back up to the man, pleading. The look on the pastor's face offered no opportunity for argument.

“You question and ridicule our time-tested methods. You cavort around with Sirius Black, our most open backslider of all. You're caught with your _leg_ over his during sport before he _rolled on top of you;_ you leave dinner early to do Heaven knows what, and then you get into a fight with Lucius Malfoy. Just what exactly are you even doing in this camp?”

Remus opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, trying to find the words. “I...I don't mean to...I  _want_ to...”

“Do we need to call your father?”

Every centimeter of Remus' body felt like it had been dipped in freezing water. His fingers spasmed on the chair, fingernails digging into the soft wood. “No! No! I'll be good. I promise, I'll try harder. I promise...” his mouth kept forming the word “promise”, over and over, until the pastor nodded minutely.

“You have one more chance, Remus. One more incident of backsliding, however minor, and I will have no choice but to call your father.” He paused, eyeing Remus critically. “I would advise you examine your Exodus more carefully this afternoon. Copy it all down. And pay close attention to what happens to the sinners who follow the charismatic Aaron.”

Remus gulped and nodded, scrambling up and out of the chair the moment it seemed appropriate. Once outside, he found a counselor waiting to guide him back to his cabin, where he was manhandled inside, the door clacking shut behind him. 

Sirius was already inside, and had leapt to his feet at the sound of Remus entering. Remus refused to look at him, opting instead to scramble through his rucksack for another piece of chocolate. He didn't care if Sirius found out about his secret stash, now.

Remus was silent for a long while as he sat on his bed and munched at the chocolate bar, refusing to look at Sirius but watching him from the corner of his eye. The other boy still looked distressed: scuffing his trainers on the wood floor of the cabin, running his hands through his hair and jangling his fingers, like he wished he were holding a cigarette. Finally he sat down on his bed and opened his window, before reaching over to the table and grabbing his fags. By the click of the zippo Sirius seemed to grow calmer, and by the first drag all nervous twitches had stopped.

“You know what the worst thing is about these people? Their ideas?”

Remus didn't answer. He assumed Sirius was being rhetorical anyway.

“Their 'masculinity' talk. It's all bullshit. My parents found out I was queer because I busted another bloke's nose in when he tried to beat up on me. Is he more masculine than me? Am I not masculine? I'm good at sports, I'm tough, I like cigarettes and motorbikes and leather jackets. But I like cock, too. Is who I wanna get one off with the only determining factor in my 'masculinity'?”

Remus didn't answer, opting to play with the edge of his chocolate wrapper. Sirius seemed to be warming to the topic, going so far as to throw his legs over the edge of the bed and lean forward, gesturing with his cigarette. “Conversely, you've got a guy like Pete: bit of girth on him, sucks at sports, can't get one off with a bird even though he's gagging for it. Is he more masculine than me? Just because he wants to slap some tits around?”

There was a longer pause this time, and Remus felt himself softening. He scrapped his teeth along one side of the chocolate bar, tongue flicking at the chocolate shavings stuck to his teeth. Finally, he whispered: “But what about me? I don't like sports that much. I want go to uni, and maybe be in research, or be a writer. I...I've never been that masculine.” Even more quietly: “My dad says I've always been feminine. A poof.”

Sirius crossed the tiny space in a second, climbing onto Remus' bed and ducking his head to try and meet his eyes. “First of all, you're definitely _not_ feminine.” Remus felt his face grow hot at the implication, and Sirius must have realized his awkwardness, because he continued on quickly. “But whoever said masculinity is a good thing, anyway? Why's it better than femininity? There's lots of cool birds out there, like Marie Curie or old Lizzie or Eleanor of Aquitaine or...or...Cher!” Remus laughed a little hysterically, chancing a glance up to meet Sirius' eyes. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes were sad. “Point is, one sort of person shouldn't be automatically better than another sort. We're all just...sorts.”

Remus shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. When Sirius moved, though, Remus automatically flinched away. It was with sad eyes and a hesitant hand that Sirius touched Remus' leg briefly, before getting up and going back to his bed. He flicked his cigarette out the window before shucking off his shirt and jeans. “I'm just gonna have a kip until they let us out. Just...” he stared mournfully at Remus, “think about what I said, yeah? I'm not here 'cause I'm trying to be cured: my parents make me go here. And...I don't think you should try and get cured either. I don't even think it's something you _can_ be _cured_ of.”

Remus automatically opened his mouth to protest, but Sirius was holding up a desperate hand, eyes wide. “Don't try and argue, because I know what you're going to say. Just promise me you'll think on it. Promise?”

With a nod, Remus replied: “Promise.”

The grin that lit up Sirius' face made Remus' stomach do somersaults and heart beat wildly in his chest.    
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus discovers an ulterior motive to Sirius' prostitution.

A week after the “Lucius incident”, as Remus had mentally labeled it, Sirius and Remus were returning from one of Sirius' morning treks to visit with James and Peter. Sirius passed a lit cigarette over to Remus, and with just a moment's hesitation, Remus took it. His father had smoked, after all: it wasn't like it was a foreign experience for him. Next to him, Sirius lit another cigarette for himself. Their shoulders bumped as they walked – a motion Remus suspected was slightly intentional on Sirius' part – and Remus tried not to think about the way Sirius' lips had been pulled tight around the cigarette now in his own mouth.

They sneaked back into their cabin maybe a minute before the morning counselor came around, knocking on their door. Sirius answered it: shirt off, jeans unbuttoned, and cigarette dangling loosely from his mouth. The counselor's eyes refused to leave the trail of hair starting at Sirius' navel and drifting downward. Sitting on the bed behind him, Remus smirked. Sirius was always trying to rile up the counselors. Probably some misguided crusade to get them all to be open with themselves.

Remus had to admit: Sirius Black strutting around half-naked was probably an effective means to that end.

“Get dressed. It's six thirty,” the counselor finally growled, eyes only leaving Sirius' groin when he turned to move on to the next cabin.

When Sirius turned back to Remus, they shared a grin. Remus' eyes flickered down to Sirius' chest on their own, and the grin turned awkward. He turned away, though not before catching a little flicker of longing on Sirius' face.

“You know...” Remus tensed as Sirius spoke, shuffling through his rucksack for a little bite of chocolate before breakfast. “James could get you stuff if you wanted. Chocolate, or magazines or something.” There was another moment of hesitation before Sirius hurried on: “I'd let you use the magazine I've got for free, you know. If you ever wanted-”

“I don't need a magazine to wank, Sirius.” Remus turned back to him, eyes flickering awkwardly down to Sirius' bare chest again. “And I wouldn't use pictures of guys if I did. You know that.”

“Yeah.” Sirius looked crestfallen. “Yeah. I know.”

“Besides, I don't have any money,” Remus continued, trying to lighten the mood. “And I don't much feel like copying your business model, if you know what I mean.”

“I could lend you some! Really, if you want anything, just tell James. I'll pay for anything you want: even titty magazines.”

“I don't need anything, Sirius!” Remus dropped his gnawed bar of chocolate back into his rucksack and kicked it under the bed. When Sirius sat down quietly on his own, looking despondent as he stared at his trainers and scuffed them slowly over the floor, Remus leaned toward him. “Hey, sorry. It's nice of you to offer – really. But you don't need me stealing your cigarette money, anyway. You work hard enough to get it.”

It was just the tiniest jerk of his hand and guilty flicker in his downcast eyes that made Remus pause and look carefully at Sirius.

“You...” Remus' mind was drawing a blank as to what Sirius was keeping from him. “What is it?”

Silently, and without looking up at him, Sirius slid off his bunk and down to the loose floorboard. Carefully he pried it up with tobacco-stained fingers, and withdrew a handful of crumpled pound notes. Then another handful. And another. By the time he had extracted all the money he had secreted away, there was well over two hundred pounds in notes and coins lying around the cabin floor.

Remus could only ask one question. “But...why?”

Sirius' fingers fiddled with the cracks in the wood floor, fingernails flicking at the little uneven seams between the pieces of wood. “Dunno. I...I like it, and I had money, but I wanted more, and my parents keep sending me here, and I need to get action somehow, and...” Sirius finally raised his eyes and stared mournfully up at Remus. “I...I kind of...dunno. I just thought of it one day and...I do it.”

Remus slid off his bunk to join Sirius on the floor. Hesitating for just a moment, he put his hand out, touching Sirius gently on his thigh. Lacking Remus' uncertainty, Sirius put his hand over Remus' and squeezed it tight. "But isn't it humiliating?"

Sirius shrugged, shaking his head. "No. I said I like cock, and I meant it. Plus..." [the smile Sirius gave Remus might have been shy, if it weren't for the leer that underscored it, "it's kind of hot: that it's all dirty. You know. The wrongness makes it hot."](http://community.livejournal.com/remusxsirius/3699616.html)

Remus blushed and looked down and away. He didn't need to think about what aroused Sirius. "Why not just do it for free, then? Why charge?"

Sirius seemed to really consider this, as his thumb stroked slowly over Remus' knuckles. Remus shivered a little under the assault, but kept his hand carefully in place. His fingers twitched beneath Sirius', and he tried desperately to control the little involuntary reflex. Finally, right when Remus was considering moving his hand to save himself the embarrassment, Sirius spoke up.

"Well, I wouldn't get as much action if I didn't, I figure.” He continued before Remus could respond. “'Cause, it's more acceptable in their heads to have one off with a rentboy than just another boy. With a rentboy, it's more like a business transaction, or service industry or something. Like they're just taking care of a biological function like eating, and it doesn't matter if I were a bird or bloke. At least, that's what they can tell themselves when they pay for it. So by asking money, I guarantee more chances to have one off with the other boys around camp.”

“It's not...” Remus dropped his voice to a whisper, even though they were alone in their little cabin, “your parents? To upset them?”

Sirius laughed dryly at that. “Well, there's that, too. When word gets back to them about how I'm doing, it really sticks in their craw to hear that I'm giving two pound blowjobs in the loo.”

“There aren't consequences? When you go back home?”

Without another word Sirius took hold of Remus' shirt and tugged it up, revealing old yellow bruising along his ribs. Remus yanked the shirt down, looking away. “No,” Sirius murmured. “Not...not like that.”

“If you hadn't made me take my shirt off to go swimming...”

“I would never have known,” Sirius finished for him. Their eyes locked, and Remus knew that where he considered the possibility of Sirius not knowing about his parents a positive, Sirius saw it as a detestable option.

His fingers, still lingering on Remus' shirt, skittered over the scarred and bruised skin, rubbing lightly at the old injuries. Remus' stomach and cock twitched before he pushed away from Sirius, climbing back up to his bed. Before he knew what was happening, Sirius was leaping to his feet and into Remus' lap, cupping his face earnestly in both hands. “I'd stop for you,” he declared. “If...if you wanted to be with me, I'd stop all the nonsense. And I'd protect you. From everybody.”

Remus' eyes watered as he stared into the intensely open expression on Sirius' face. His thumbs slowly stroked over Remus' cheeks, and Remus had to close his eyes – against the onslaught of emotions, against seeing Sirius, against his touch against his skin.

His eyes flew open when he felt Sirius' lips press gently against his. The touch of lips against lips was barely there – more asking permission than actually kissing. With a shudder Remus let his mouth slacken and jaw tilt up, and Sirius took it as permission to actually kiss him.

Sirius' lips against his sent shivers all through Remus' system, making his head swim and legs tingle. Sirius' arms wrapping securely around his back, tugging him in and holding him close, made Remus moan plaintively, mouth opening to Sirius' talented tongue. As they kissed, Sirius began to move, hips exerting just the barest, repeated pressure on his. It was next to nothing, but it was enough to make arousal coil tight in Remus' groin, and erection flare to life.

He pushed Sirius away with a gasp, shaking his head. “I can't. I can't, I can't,” he whispered.

Sirius' disappointment was palpable, but he nodded one tiny, little time, before pressing his forehead to Remus'. “It's not wrong,” he murmured with his eyes closed, almost as if he were talking to himself. He moved his head and their noses bumped, sending another little shiver down Remus' spine. “It's _right_ , and we both _want it_ , and our parents and the counselors are just a bunch of repressed arseholes who probably say a rosary after every wet dream.”

A strangled sob of a laugh bubbled its way out of Remus' chest at that. “I think rosaries are just for Catholics, Sirius.”

“Whatever.”

With a sigh – and against every screaming filament in his body – Remus nudged at Sirius. “Get off. I need to... calm down... before breakfast.”

Obediently Sirius slid off Remus' lap. He tried for a leer, though his heart was obviously not into it. “One quid and I could help you take care of that.”

The two boys smiled sadly at the bad joke. “Go to breakfast, Sirius. I'll meet you there.”

Sirius pulled on his shirt, then stood in the center of the room, leaning from foot to foot indecisively. “Keep thinking on it?” His voice raised in hopeful inquiry.

Remus nodded back. “I know.”

The moment the door swung shut behind Sirius, Remus crawled under his covers and shoved his hand down his trousers. As he jerked himself rough and hard, he didn't even try to keep grey eyes and long, black hair from his mind. Visions of Sirius' head bobbing above his groin and red lips wrapped tight around his cock filled the dark space behind Remus' eyes as he came, shuddering and sighing, Sirius' name on his lips.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't click on the link in the text, here it is again: [Art for this chapter](http://community.livejournal.com/remusxsirius/3699616.html) courtesy [](http://myprettycabinet.livejournal.com/profile)[**myprettycabinet**](http://myprettycabinet.livejournal.com/) .


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus' parents send him to a Christian camp designed to help him control his “Same Sex Attraction”. Once there, Remus finds himself rooming with the devilishly handsome bad-boy, Sirius Black. Will he give in to temptation? Could the attraction he feels for Sirius be more than physical? Non-Magical 1970s AURemus and Sirius get in trouble; Remus' dad shows up; Remus needs Sirius.

When they stormed into their cabin after dinner, Remus was lying stomach down on his bed, flipping through one of the Bibles available in every room. Sirius was on his back, smoking casually with one leg and arm draped out the open window. Remus later found he couldn't even recall what they were talking about: James' obsession with Evans, the latest kilometer times, or how Lucius' nose was just now returning to normal. Whatever it was, it didn't really matter. 

“Stay where you are!”

Remus jumped almost a meter in the air, turning over and staring as three counselors burst into their cabin. Counselor Martin was at the head of them. 

Sirius reacted more cooly: taking one last drag at his cigarette before flicking it out the window. “Time for another raid, is it, Martin?”

Martin didn't reply, instead gesturing to the two other counselors to search the floor and under their mattress. Sirius and Remus were grabbed and manhandled outside, where a fourth counselor watched over them. Sirius threw himself down onto the front step, sighing rather dramatically. To his dismay, Remus found he couldn't join him: Pastor Philip had warned that one more infraction would result in his parents being called in. For all his mental uncertainty over his sexuality, Remus had been careful to be on his best behavior in front of the counselors. Remus shifted nervously, eyes focused on the cabin door. 

A minute later Martin strode out, magazine clutched triumphantly in one hand. “What exactly do you call  _this_ ?” He continued before Sirius could shoot back some smart-arse response. “Because I call it temptation! Filth! Degradation!” His eyes stopped on Remus'. “I think Pastor Philip would be interested to hear about this newest incidence of backsliding.”

Remus froze with fear, eyes wide and body trembling. Ever-ready to come to his rescue, Sirius leapt up, positioning himself between Remus and Counselor Martin. “Take me in to see Phil. It's not Remus' magazine – he didn't even know about it.” When Counselor Martin appeared unmoved, Sirius stepped close, pressing the issue. “Look at him: he's too scared to try something like this.” When Counselor Martin's expression seemed to soften, Sirius leaned in even closer, lips almost touching the counselor's ear. “Let Remus off, and I'll make it worth your while.”

Face contorting into something terrifying and with a desperate roar, Counselor Martin shoved Sirius back into the arms of another counselor. “Pastor Philip! Both of you! Now!”

Remus ignored the apologetic and concerned looks Sirius kept shooting him as they were frog-marched across the camp and to the main offices. Right now, he was so paralyzed with fear he could barely spare a thought for the other boy marching next to him. They were going to call his parents. His dad would show up, and...and...

Would they put them in their own room? Could they do that: just leave him and his dad alone in a room together? Or would they send him home? Maybe...maybe the camp would protect him. Only let his dad yell at him. Of course, there would still be consequences when he went home: there always were. 

Sirius was dragged into Pastor Philip's office first, while Remus waited outside under the watchful eye of two counselors. There were the sounds of shouting and chair legs scraping across wooden floors for all of five minutes, and then Sirius was being dragged out. “Remus, listen, I tried. Just tell them you didn't know about the magazine. Please, Remus...”

Wide, terrified eyes flicked to Sirius' desperate grey ones as the two boys were hauled past each other. For an instant Remus was overcome by the urge to rush into Sirius' arms, to bury his face in his neck and never, ever leave. But the counselors were hauling at both of them, and their eye contact broke as Remus was pushed into Pastor Philip's office.

The Pastor stared stonily at him, and Remus blurted out the first thing in his mind. “Don't call my dad.”

For a long, long moment, the pastor just stared at Remus beneath thick eyebrows and etched-in furrows. Finally, he unclasped his hands and spoke. “I told you last time: one more infraction, and your parents would have to be notified of your backsliding.  _This_ is one more infraction.”

“I didn't know,” Remus whispered. He knew it wouldn't do any good, but he had to try and use Sirius' excuse. 

“You knew.”

Remus couldn't argue in the face of such faith-based certainty. He watched – desperate tears pouring down his face – as Pastor Philip picked up his phone and dialed his parents' number. The blood rushing through his ears at two hundred decibels prevented Remus from hearing any of the conversation, but he knew by the look on Pastor Philip's face as he hung up the phone what had been said. 

“Your father will be here tonight.”

Back outside, Remus couldn't even see Sirius waving or hear him hollering. All he could focus on was the dirt road leading into the camp, and the knowledge that his father would be driving up in just a couple of hours. 

He felt like he was going to be sick. 

Back in their cabin, minus one wank magazine, Sirius kept trying to speak to him. Remus curled up on his bed and faced the wall, unable to move or speak or do anything as he waited for the hours to pass. After an hour, Sirius gave up trying to talk to him, and crawled into bed with Remus. He threw an arm over the catatonic boy, pulling him close. Remus let him. He might as well enjoy this last bit of contact while he could.

When Counselor Martin came and got him, Sirius was back in his own bed and Remus was still curled up, facing the wall. Lacking any other options, Remus started following Counselor Martin on the short walk to the main offices. His family car was in the dirt road. 

For just a moment upon entering the meeting room, Remus felt a small flare of hope. Maybe Counselor Martin would stay in the room with them, and then his dad wouldn't do anything. As Martin pulled the door close, Remus felt the last of his hope leave him. He turned to the irate face of his father.

“Dad...”

**

Remus limped back to his cabin. To his surprise he felt... _different_ from how he normally felt after his and his dad's “talks”. Normally he was upset, disappointed, and scared – terrified, really. Now, he felt  _angry_ . He wanted to kick and punch and scream at the top of his lungs about how ridiculous and  _stupid_ this whole thing was. He wanted to scratch and bite and...

He slammed open the door to their cabin, spotting Sirius sitting crossed-leg on Remus' bed.

Remus suddenly had a new idea as to what he felt like doing.

Without another word he stalked over to his bed, crossing the length of the cabin in just a few long strides. Sirius' eyes were concerned as Remus gripped his shoulders, then grew wide as Remus pushed him back and climbed on top.

“Remus, what-” was all Sirius managed to get out before Remus was kissing him, shoving his tongue in Sirius' mouth and nipping at his lower lip. Sirius responded instantly, bringing his hands up to frame Remus' face and and kissing him back.

Remus lifted his head and scraped his teeth down Sirius' jaw, like he might an expensive bar of chocolate. Sirius moaned and writhed beneath him, body arching to Remus' touch. Barely understanding of what he was doing himself, Remus tore at Sirius' jeans until he wrapped one long-fingered hand around Sirius' cock. Sirius yelped, eyes flying open at the rapid escalation.

“Remus, wait. What... _ohhh_...” Sirius' eyes squeezed shut as he bucked helplessly into Remus' hand. With a grunt of frustration Remus released him, tearing at his own trousers with both hands until they were both naked from the waist down. Gripping them both in a single hand, Remus sighed and panted as he jerked them together. Slick, heated skin rubbed against its twin, causing Remus to shudder with pleasure at the sensation.

Beneath him, Sirius looked like a bug pinned to a board: all writhing, jerky movements, entirely given over to Remus' control. Remus ducked his head down to capture Sirius' lips in another kiss. He grunted in surprise when he felt Sirius' hand go to tangle in his short hair, pulling their lips closer together in desperation. Their hips moved together as Remus continued to jerk them closer and closer to orgasm.

With a gasp Remus pulled away from Sirius, tucking his face into the other boys' neck. He was close – so, so close. He could feel himself teetering just on the edge, orgasm pressing at his insides, begging for release. Sirius' other hand was skittering across his body, touching at every piece of flesh he could find. As those bitten-off nails dug into Remus' arse and  _squeezed_ , Remus found himself falling over the edge, orgasm flaring out from him and onto Sirius' stomach. 

As Remus' body twitched and arched against Sirius', he felt Sirius' hand wrap around his and help jerk the other boy to completion. Sirius' moan was loud and long, hand clenching spasmodically at Remus' arse. Their come mixed on their stomachs as Remus collapsed against Sirius.

The high tide from his orgasm rapidly receding, Remus groaned as the aches and pains of real life returned. He tried to roll off of Sirius, only to collapse in a painful sprawl on his side. Sirius was there in an instant, orgasm-glazed eyes managing to blink slowly in concern. 

“Remus, are you hurt? Did he...” 

Remus tried to shy away, but Sirius was already plucking at his shirt, lifting it carefully up over Remus' arms and head. The whisper of the material falling to the ground almost covered Sirius' soft gasp upon seeing Remus' torso laid bare. “Remus...”

Helplessly Remus tried to cover himself with his arms, only to have Sirius gently pry them away. He cracked open an eye, to see Sirius gazing down mournfully at Remus' chest. Remus glanced down himself, only to look away a moment later. Most of his body was red from the beating, but it was also mostly in areas that wouldn't bruise: his stomach and sides. At least, wouldn't visibly bruise. His ribs however were re-injured, and he knew there'd be purple bruises by morning there. 

“Roll over. If...if it doesn't hurt too...”

Compliant – due to orgasm, or Sirius' quiet concern, Remus didn't know – Remus rolled onto his stomach, lowering himself with a wince. He heard Sirius draw in another breath, fingers ghosting over the welts that Remus knew crisscrossed his back. “It's...” Remus started, swallowing thickly. “It's not as bad as it looks.”

Remus jumped at the feel of Sirius' lips pressing just above one of the worst welts, then relaxed as he continued to pepper his back with carefully-placed kisses. “No,” Sirius murmured. “It's worse.”

Remus' felt his eyes sting with tears as he buried his face in his pillow. “Turn off the lights,” he whispered. With just a little bit of leaning, Sirius managed to flick off the two bedside lamps. To his surprise, rather than returning to his own bed, Sirius carefully maneuvered them both under the covers of Remus' tiny camp bed. Safely surrounded by the thick blanket of darkness, Remus allowed himself to turn his head and glance at Sirius from beneath a fringe of brown locks. Sirius' big eyes looked almost black in the dim light. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to Remus' lips.

“I said I'd protect you,” Sirius whispered, voice cracking. 

“You can't protect me from this. From him.”

“ _Yes I can_.” Remus shifted as Sirius wrapped a careful arm around him, pulling their bodies closer together. “I can protect you from _anything_ , Remus. And I _will_.” Remus felt his eyes growing heavy in the darkness: his orgasm and beatings finally creeping up on him in the form of an undeniable exhaustion. “You'll see, Remus. I'm going to find a way,” Sirius' voice was growing more indistinct as Remus found himself drifting to sleep, “I'm going take us away, and find a way to keep all these arseholes away from us. No one is going to hurt you again.”  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus decides he's probably okay with this whole gay thing; Sirius gets a mysterious paper bag from James.

The next morning, Remus had a moment of blissful happiness upon awakening, before the aches and pains set in. “Ow,” he whispered as he rolled onto his back. Between one blink and the next, Sirius' face was hovering over his, gazing concernedly down at him. 

“Are you okay? Do you need... what do you need?”

For one moment, Remus' stomach flipped sickeningly at the thought of what they had done the night before. His hands on Sirius, Sirius' lips on his... Remus shook himself quietly in the face of Sirius' earnestness. 

Soft fingers brushed at his hair. “Are you okay?” he asked again.

Remus took a breath, trying to make sense of the myriad of emotions running through him. Sirius' sincere concern – and the way Remus' breath caught and heart ached staring up at his face – made the decision for him. He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.” Sirius' expression was skeptical, so Remus smiled and returned the gesture: reaching up and threading his fingers through Sirius' silken hair. “I'm okay, really.”

Sirius' eyes turned mischievous. “Okay enough for a morning snog?”

Mock-considering, Remus narrowed his eyes. “Maybe...just a little one.”

When Sirius' lips pressed against his, Remus sighed, opening his mouth to him. At the first touch of tongues, Remus pulled away, wrinkling his nose. “Morning breath.”

Sirius laughed, bumping their noses together before pressing a kiss to Remus' forehead. “Okay: no more snogging until after brushed teeth.”

Gingerly Remus lifted himself from the bed, stretching and get a feel for range of movement. His bruises ached more than the day before, now that they had set for a night. Sirius helped him get into his trousers and trainers, while at the same time trying not to be overbearing: hovering by Remus' bed, then backing up to his and fiddling with the bedsheets. Remus frowned as he saw a glint of silver under Sirius' pillow. “What's that?”

Sirius turned to follow Remus' gaze, then blushed. He tugged the chocolate wrapper from under his pillow and held it out to Remus. “You're out of chocolate. I wanted to make sure I knew your favorite brand. You saved this one for last, so I figured...”

Now it was Remus' turn to blush and look down. No one had ever taken that sort of interest in him before. He didn't even think his mom knew his favorite brand of chocolate. But Sirius had figured it out just by watching him for a few weeks. 

They walked to the latrines together, shoulders brushing as they did. Briefly Remus was overcome with the urge to hold Sirius' hand, but seeing the counselors beginning to waken, quickly stamped out the emotion. As they brushed their teeth, Remus kept seeing Sirius' eyes flicker to him in the mirror. On the third or fourth time, Remus caught his eyes and held them in the mirror. The boys grinned around their toothbrushes. 

“I thought,” Sirius wiped at the back of his mouth after spitting into the sink, “I thought you might freak out. It was sort of your first time, I mean, except...”

Remus blinked and shook his head, before spitting into the sinking. “No it wasn't.”

“What?”

“Why do you think I'm here in the first place?”

Sirius leaned forward, puzzled. Remus took the opportunity to hop up onto the counter next to the sink. He held out his hand, and Sirius stepped easily between his legs, hands rubbing at Remus' thighs. “I thought you snogged someone, but...”

“I had a... we... you know.” Remus couldn't meet Sirius' eyes. “Off. Together.” Visions of a warm spring day and a newly-melted creek flashed through Remus' mind. Their teeth were chattering from dipping into the still too-cold water, but their bodies heated against each other. Afterward, they had been so warm and languid that they didn't move, preferring to bask in the glow of their youthful happiness. 

Remus' father had come across them a few minutes later. 

“How much did you...”

“Just that.” Remus smiled at him. “Just the once. And it was just... rutting. You know.”

“So you've never done...”

“Anything else.”

Sirius' eyes took on a wicked glint. His hands moved more firmly of Remus' thighs, rubbing and kneading at the muscles there. “Wanna try something else right now?”

Remus' breath quickened as he watched Sirius' fingers walk their way up his thighs and to his belt. His eyes were wide, and completely focused on Sirius' lips, which the other boy licked lasciviously. Oh.  _Oh_ .

“Hey Sirius. Hey Remus.” Remus jumped in his seat, pressing back against the mirror. Sirius didn't move from out from between Remus' legs, though his hands dropped from Remus' thighs to his sides. John was holding his bathroom kit awkwardly in the doorway. “Um... should I... come... back?” 

Remus made the decision for the both of them, sliding off the counter and pushing Sirius gently away from him. “No, no. Sorry, John. We were just finishing up.”

Sirius' hand slipped into Remus' just before they left the bathrooms. The soft squeeze before his hand was released made Remus feel warm inside for the rest of the day – aching ribs and stinging back relegated to a back corner of his mind in deference to that feeling.

**

Remus marveled at the sensation of Sirius' hand in his. As they walked through the forest in the pre-dawn light, he grinned at the feel of Sirius rubbing his thumb against his knuckles, and the way their arms swung in tandem. He had never done this before: walked while holding a boy's hand. He chanced a glance over at Sirius, who he was pleased to see was staring right back at him, equally large grin on his face.

“We're two big saps, aren't we?” Sirius joked.

A third voice floated down to them from the top of a ridge. “More like a pair of old queens!”

Sirius grinned as he squinted up the ridge. Peter and James were just crossing it, starting on the downward slope. 

Suddenly feeling awkward under the gaze of the other two boys, Remus extracted his hand from Sirius', shooting him an apologetic look. Sirius' expression saddened for a moment, but he smiled reassuringly back at Remus. He understood.

As Peter and James drew closer, Remus noticed that Peter was carrying a paper grocery bag, tucked under one arm. Two packs of cigarettes and some lighter fluid – Sirius' usual order – shouldn't require a paper bag. Even a wank magazine to replace the one the counselors confiscated wouldn't require one. 

Sirius beat Remus to it, snatching the bag from Peter and rummaging through it, before rolling it shut with a satisfied smile. Remus shot him a look, but Sirius just smiled back secretively and winked. So it was something Remus would find about later, then.

“How you two old queens doing, anyway?” James gave them a knowing look before turning to Remus. “He treating you right?”

Remus shrugged, blushing and looking away. What he and Sirius did was still new to him – it made him skittish to have anyone else to have even the vaguest knowledge of it. 

Sirius, thankfully, spoke up for him. “Bugger off, James.”

“That's your and your new _boyfriend's_ job, isn't it?”

Sirius stuck out his tongue and flipped two fingers at James, who perfectly imitated expression and gesture. 

Remus coughed and nodded to Peter. “How are things?”

Peter shrugged. “Swear this camp is my parents' way of killing me slowly. They tried to get me to run  _five kilometers_ yesterday. I told them they could shove their five-k up their arses.”

Butting in on the conversation, James wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders. “Yeah. If by 'told them to shove it' you mean 'ran the first kilometer, then collapsed and got out of running the rest'.” He looked at Remus. “D'you need anything? Sirius said he'd pay, and I could get you snacks or drinks or books or something. Sirius tells me you like to read: could get you some Tolkein or something?”

Remus shook his head. His eyes caught Sirius' and he smiled gratefully. The fact that Sirius had been talking to James about his interests sent a little thrill of happiness through him. “I'm fine. Sirius does enough for me: I can't have him buying me books and the like, too.”

“Does enough for you, hm?” James turned to Sirius with eyebrows raised. “You do enough for Remus, do you? Keeping him _satisfied_?”

“Oi! Just because you can't get any action from that Evans bird doesn't mean you get to make fun of blokes who can.” Abruptly Remus found himself being pulled into a hug, squeezed close to Sirius' side. “Remus and I keep each other satisfied, thanks much.”

Mortified, Remus shoved at Sirius, straightening his shirt from where it had hitched up, and doing his best not to make eye contact with the other boys. “We... we haven't...”

James nodded knowingly, giving Sirius a mock-sympathetic look. “Ah, I see. Haven't managed to dock your cock, have you yet? I suppose Remus hasn't seen it yet, then: if he had, he'd know there's nothing to be afraid of.”

With a growl Sirius jumped James, and the two boys fell into a wrestling match on the ground. Peter leaned against a tree, stretching his legs and groaning. “Have you ever run a five k? It's murder.”

Remus shrugged, still embarrassed over James and Sirius' exchange. “Run a lot on the farm I'm from. Doesn't really bother me.”

To Remus' surprise, Sirius had apparently lunged at James not in defense of his manhood, but for Remus' own honor. “Shut your mouth about him, James Potter! Our love life is none of your business, right? Say it!”

With his face in the dirt, arms pulled behind his back, and teenage boy sitting on top of him, James had little choice but to comply. “Alright, alright! Remus and yours love life is none of my business. Geeze.” Sirius let him up, then, shoving his head into the dirt one last time for good measure. As James stood up, taking off his glasses and cleaning them on his shirt, he grumbled: “Didn't know you two were in  _love_ . Blimey.”

Remus could tell Sirius heard it, too, because he tensed suddenly. Remus thought Sirius might try and jump James again, but he relaxed after a moment of indecision, moving to stand closer to Remus. “Alright?”

Remus nodded. “Fine. No worries. I know James is just messing with us.”

Sirius' hand found Remus' and gave it a quick squeeze. “Yeah, but I know you're still nervous about... you know. All this.”

“Honestly, I'm fine.” Remus smiled reassuringly at Sirius. “Though, we should probably head back now. I don't need another run-in with the counselors.”

Sirius' face darkened at that. Turning to James, he pressed some money into his hands and grabbed his cigarettes. The two boys batted at each other good-naturedly, and Remus instinctively knew all was forgiven between them. They said their goodbye's, before both pairs of boys started off in opposite directions to their own camps.

When they got back to their cabin, Sirius immediately slid the paper bag under his bed. Remus frowned, nodding at it. “Aren't you going to tell me what it is?”

Excited grin on his face, Sirius sidled close to Remus, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him in. “If I promise you'll love it, and find out tonight, will you wait?”

Remus' stomach flipped at the possibilities. It was too big of a bag from just a simple tube of KY, though that could certainly be  _one_ item among many. His eyes widened as Sirius waggled his eyebrows at him. “O-” Remus had to stop and swallow thickly, so his voice wasn't a croak. “Okay. Sure.”

They had to leap apart when the counselor knocked on the door and walked in for morning wake-up. Remus was sure his lips were visibly kiss-swollen, and his face was certainly beet-red. The counselor looked between them, but said nothing besides the time and that they should get ready for breakfast. Remus had to stifle a giggle as Sirius took him into his arms the moment the door slammed shut. 

“We've got a whole half hour...”

Remus' bed protested loudly beneath the weight of two teenage boys collapsing onto it.    
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what was in that paper bag.

That night, Remus was squirming with anticipation. They had finished up their last activity for the day, and the counselors were calling for lights out around the cabins, strolling between them for one last check-in. Remus and Sirius were sitting at their desks, studiously bent over their Bibles when the counselor came in. He didn't check on what they were writing, just said goodnight and shut the door. Remus grinned as he tucked away a lewd note Sirius had just passed him. 

“Surprise time?”

Sirius' grin was all the answer Remus needed. Touching at his arm, Sirius maneuvered Remus to his bed and had him sit and wait, going so far as to make Remus close his eyes. Remus obeyed, smiling into the kiss Sirius gave him before he vanished, random sounds from around the cabin Remus' only clue that he was still there.

He kept his eyes shut for several minutes, listening to the sounds of the paper bag being rummaged through, then being torn apart. Remus heard Sirius' lighter go once, and he thought he could feel some soft heat coming from the center of the room. There was the crinkling of something that sounded like chocolate wrappers – though Remus couldn't be sure – and some other rustlings from other containers. Finally, Remus felt Sirius touch his arm lightly. “Okay. Open your eyes.”

His eyes flickered immediately to the center of the floor, where there was a soft, flickering light. Sirius had set up a small, portable stove, complete with a tiny, contained campfire and grill. It looked like something garden gnomes might use. 

The tearing he had heard earlier was the paper bag, which Sirius had torn up and tacked over the window. Sirius saw Remus looking at it and winked. “So no curious counselors will interrupt us because they thought there was a fire.”

But the absolute best, best part of the whole thing was what was carefully laid out next to the campfire, in neat little piles. “S'mores?” Remus gasped and dropped down to the floor. Sirius joined him, expectantly grinning. 

“And it's your favorite type of chocolate.” Sirius proffered the chocolate wrapper to Remus as proof. 

Remus found he could do nothing more than clutch the chocolate wrapper to his chest, overwhelmed by the gesture. After the silence stretched on too long, Sirius reached a hesitant hand to him. “Is it... is it alright? I thought...”

“ _Sirius_ ,” Remus breathed. At a loss for words, he reached out and grabbed Sirius' extended hand, drawing the other boy to him. They kissed, Sirius making a pleased little sound in the back of his throat.

“Good, then?” Sirius asked breathlessly. Remus only laughed and nodded back in response. “Want to get sweet and sticky with me then, Remus?”

Laughing again, Remus snogged Sirius once more for good measure – and because he  _could_ . Almost reluctantly they pulled apart, Remus glancing down at the careful stacks of marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate. “I think this might be the first time in my life I've had difficulty choosing between chocolate and something else.”

Sirius waggled his eyebrows lewdly, scooting away from Remus on the floor and reaching for a stick and a marshmallow. “Well, this time you get to have both. And since I'll keep for another hour, but this fire won't, I vote for chocolate first, me second.”

With a shy smile, Remus held up one of the –  _many_ – spare bars of chocolate. “Could we try both?”

Sirius' mouth was already full of half-baked marshmallow, but he still managed a sticky grin. “Mmf!”

Ultimately, Remus decided that the s'mores idea was quite an excellent one, and that he really should have at least  _one_ normal s'more before he and Sirius started getting creative with them. Sirius managed to inhale three in the time it took Remus to carefully construct a single one, though Remus largely attributed that to Sirius' impatience when it came to roasting marshmallows. He would hold them in the fire for all of ten seconds before yanking them out and squeezing them between two graham crackers. 

Finished with his one s'more and fingers carefully licked clean (which had ended up involving a lot more  _staring_ and  _eyes_ and  _heavy breathing_ than Remus had realized it would incite at first), Remus tugged at one of the spare bars of chocolate. Gingerly it held it over the small fire, careful to melt one end and not the other. When half the bar was satisfactorily melty, he curled one finger at Sirius. “C'mere.”

Sirius was in his lap before he could think twice, staring eagerly at the chocolate clutched gingerly between Remus' fingers. Uncertain what exactly to do – it wasn't like he had ever done this before, after all – Remus took a single chocolate-covered finger and smeared it over Sirius' lips. Sirius – more practiced and willing to take the lead – leaned in and kissed Remus, letting him lap at the melted chocolate and spreading it over twining tongues. Remus moaned happily at the dual sensation. Oh yes. This was an  _excellent_ idea. Now he just had to figure out where else he wanted to taste chocolate on Sirius. 

“What... where else should I...?”

Sirius, evidently taking this as his cue to end the first part of their date and begin the second, quickly stamped out their fire and tucked the supplies out of the way. Next, he whipped his clothes off, until he was lying spread out and starkers on Remus' bed before Remus even had time to react. 

Well, before  _most_ of Remus had time to react. One part of Remus was reacting quite rapidly to the sight before him. 

“Ung...”

Sirius nodded down at his own chest. “You don't have to do anything you don't want. But I was thinking you could spread the chocolate around? Chest, nipples, stomach, bellybutton...” Remus' entire body flushed as Sirius trailed off. His eyes were following the path Sirius' words were taking him, and he was well-aware of where that led. 

One deep, shuddering breath later, and Remus was crawling on top of Sirius on the small camp bed. He took a second to set the half-melted chocolate bar down on Sirius' chest while he quickly shucked his clothes off. Sirius was grinning up at him, hips shifting on their own as the two boys squirmed against each other. 

Finally Remus was settled snugly on top of Sirius. He picked up the chocolate bar and began dabbing it on the points Sirius mentioned: his nipples, his navel. Remus took a moment to make little dots of chocolate in a path between the three points. Hesitating, Remus glanced shyly down at Sirius' erection. The chocolate was rapidly cooling, so ultimately it was expediency that forced his hand: Remus quickly traced a line of chocolate up the underside of Sirius' cock, before dabbing lightly at the precome on top. Sirius shuddered and twitched beneath him at the touch, though Remus kept his eyes averted. He was still a bit embarrassed, even in their state of mutual nudity and arousal. 

The used candy bar was discarded over the edge of the bed, and Remus absently sucked the chocolate off his fingers as he considered the naked, chocolate-covered boy beneath him. Sirius made a plaintive, whiny noise, nodding at his fingers. “Let me help with that,” he murmured. Remus' eyes widened at Sirius' “seduction voice”, and found himself proffering his fingers without question to Sirius' questing mouth. 

The other boy flicked his tongue out first, lapping lightly at the chocolate-covered fingers before growing more insistent, wrapping his tongue around them and sucking them into his mouth. Remus' mouth fell open and a moan escaped as he watched Sirius' cheeks hollow and his red lips purse around his fingers. His tongue was lapping at the fingers in his mouth, leaving no square millimeter of flesh un-laved. Remus' head swam with the attention. 

Sirius released Remus' fingers gently, licking and kissing at them even as he allowed them to fall from his mouth. It took Remus a few seconds to remember where he was and what he was supposed to be doing, but then he was kissing Sirius, tasting chocolate on his tongue. Remus turned his mouth from Sirius', focusing on kissing his way down his jaw, neck, and chest. When he reached the first chocolate-covered nipple, it was after only a moment's pondering that Remus bent his head and sucked the little nub into his mouth. Sirius hummed happily, hand going down to tangle in Remus' short brown hair. 

Satisfied that the chocolate was gone from one, Remus turned his attention to the other nipple, sucking and licking at that until it was clean. On instinct, Remus finished by scraping his teeth gently over the hardened nub. He was rewarded by a cry from Sirius and his hand tightening in his hair. “'s good, Remus.”

Following the trail he had made for himself in chocolate, Remus dipped his tongue into Sirius' navel. The other boy's stomach contracted and rolled beneath Remus' lips. Fascinated by the response, Remus drew his lips back to observe the movements. Sirius whined and tugged at his hair playfully. “Somewhere you want me to be?”

Sirius shot Remus a lusty  _look_ , tugging at his hair again. “If you don't... want...” Sirius' chest was heaving as he tried to reassure Remus. 

Although his stomach flipped and squirmed at the thought of doing to Sirius what Sirius had already to him multiple times, Remus steeled himself and leaned down. Hands shaking, Remus placed them on Sirius' thighs to steady himself. His tongue darted out once, twice, before finally flicking against Sirius' shaft on the third try. Above him, Sirius groaned. Remus took this as encouragement to go again, so he pushed his tongue out and licked at the stripe of chocolate he had painted on the underside of Sirius' erection. He could taste Sirius' skin beneath the dark, bitter taste of the chocolate. Sirius' groin smelled musky, and Remus carefully catalogued the differing sensations in his mind. 

Growing in confidence – due in large part to Sirius' panting and writing above him – Remus reached a hand up from Sirius' thighs and gripped at the base of his erection. Sirius had done this enough times to him that Remus understood the basics of what to do. With careful precision, Remus lowered his mouth over the head and moved down. 

“Remus,” Sirius hissed, tugging at Remus' hair. He glanced up, frowning. “Cover your teeth. Like this.” Sirius demonstrated, lips going to cover his teeth in imitation of an old man. 

Remus pulled away and blushed. “Sorry, I'm... sorry. Never done this before...”

Sirius' hand was cool on his cheek as he brushed at the flushed cheekbone there. “It's alright. I know. Honestly,” Sirius hauled himself up onto his elbows so he could look down at Remus, “I like that you haven't done a lot of stuff, 'cause I get to be all sorts of firsts for you.”

Remus swore his face grew even more red, and he glanced down, only to be confronted by the sight of Sirius' throbbing, veiny penis. Okay, so not the place to look. He shifted his eyes to the blanket they were lying on. “Is... was something like that in the bag. Um...” he glanced back up at Sirius before looking away again. “ _Lube_ ?” he finally managed to whisper.

Sirius laughed and tugged at Remus' shoulder, pulling him up his body. Remus went willingly, smiling as their bodies fit together so easily. He had begun rethinking his biological argument against homosexuality: his and Sirius' bodies always slid together so perfectly, that there was no  _way_ nature never intended for this to happen. She certainly hadn't tried very hard to stop them. 

“No lube. I figured you wouldn't want to, yet.” He tossed a thumb over his shoulder jokingly. “Though if you do, I'll go get James right now: run the whole way there and back.”

Remus shook his head, laughing. Sirius always knew how to make him feel better: more at ease. “No. I'm... well, nervous. You know.” He frowned, hand unconsciously stroking at Sirius' thigh. “I heard it hurts. A lot. And there was tearing and blood. But I don't know what's true and what's, you know: camp counselors.”

Face gone serious, the other boy nodded. “It can. If you're rough 'n don't care about the other guy. And if you don't use lube.” Craning his neck, Sirius placed little kisses to Remus' shoulder and collar bone. “But I'd never hurt you. The first time, we'll just take it nice and slow. So long as I stretch you out, you stay relaxed, and I use a lot of lube, it'll be okay.” Sirius nuzzled his nose against Remus' chest, licking a playful stripe across the smooth skin. “And I'll make sure you love every minute of it.”

They kissed, and Remus relaxed into it, forgetting about his inadequacies at blowjobs and nervousness over penetration. He laughed when he felt Sirius' sticky penis slide over his, glancing down between them to see the chocolate smearing across their thighs and groins. Sirius glanced down with him, wrinkling his nose at the sight. “Give it a few months, and you'll be as grossed out as I am at the way that looks.”

Pondering what he meant, Remus stared down at his groin as Sirius wet a t-shirt of his and proceeded to clean them off. He supposed the chocolate smeared around sort of looked like... and he or Sirius would be shoving his cock up... “Ew! Does that  _happen_ ?!”

Sirius shrugged, tossing the used t-shirt away over his shoulder. “Sometimes, a little bit. If you're careful...” Sirius stopped upon meeting Remus' horrified gaze. “Can we talk about the specifics of it all when we actually get around to it?” 

Remus nodded, but mentally he was revising his biological arguments. Nature: 1, him and Sirius: 1. That bitch.

Sirius' mouth sucking at his collarbone successfully distracted Remus from his mental tally, and soon their hips were sliding smoothly together, getting sticky with precome rather than chocolate. Nudging at Remus' chin, Sirius looked up at him with big eyes. “Turn on your side?” 

Remus didn't even ask. He trusted Sirius. 

Once on his side, Remus heard Sirius spit into his palm and felt his fist bumping against Remus' leg as he stroked at his cock. Then Sirius was gently nudging the head of his erection against Remus' thighs, begging entrance. After a moment of awkwardness, Remus figured out how to spread his thighs enough for Sirius to slide in, then squeeze them tightly enough for Sirius enjoy the friction it caused. 

“This is the Greek method,” Sirius murmured against Remus' neck. His lips pressed little kisses to the short hairs there between sentences. “This way, it's almost like we're doing it, but we can do this without lube and you won't get hurt.”

Remus grunted his satisfaction as Sirius slipped a hand over his hip and began stroking him in time with his thrusts. Feeling Sirius' erection between his thighs was arousing – exciting, even. It felt like Sirius was so  _close_ to having sex with him without taking that final step. Remus whimpered as he thrust into Sirius' tight fist. It felt good.  _Really_ good.

Sirius' thrust grew harder and faster, hand tugging in a stuttering rhythm along with them. Remus' body jerked with every thrust, and he shuddered. He could imagine this might be how it would be like to have sex, real sex, with Sirius: thrusting, and grunting, and trembling bodies spiraling closer and closer toward... Behind him, Sirius made a strangled little choked-off sound, before Remus felt him stiffen and warm come spread between his thighs. A moment later, Sirius' hand reached down to dip into the sticky liquid, before wrapping it around Remus' cock and continuing pumping it. With the added slick, Remus came a few seconds later, stars bursting behind his eyes as he curled around Sirius' arm. 

As he came down, Remus shifted and turned until he was hugging Sirius tightly to his chest. Remus felt sleepy and satisfied, and wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in Sirius' arms. Then they shifted on the bed into a more comfortable position, and Remus found his thigh pressed down onto a wet spot on the sheets. “Ew.” Remus twisted and looked down between them, wrinkling his nose. “Wet spot.”

Sirius was even more boneless than he was, long arms and legs draped around him. “Nnf.”

“Sirius, come on. I don't want to sleep on the wet spot.” 

“S'moof.”

Remus blinked, before coming to the understanding that Sirius meant “So move”. At least, so Remus could only assume. “No, Sirius, come on: the bed's too small. And this is gross. I don't want to sleep on top of your come.”

Remus was fairly certain the next sound out of Sirius' mouth was a snore. 

“Oh, for...” With a sigh, Remus hauled Sirius into his lap and slid slowly off the bed, carrying him the one step it took to cross the room to Sirius' (relatively) fresh, clean bed. In his arms, Sirius made a sound that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. Remus glared down at him before tossing him onto his bed. Sirius resolutely kept his eyes closed, moving only to curl himself around Remus when he crawled into bed beside Sirius. Dry and satisfied, Remus barely had time to pull the covers up before he fell asleep, head nestled in the crook of Sirius' shoulder.   
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning doesn't dawn so pleasantly.

Languid and happy, Remus snuffled himself into Sirius' neck. He closed his eyes against the sunlight just coming in through the window and squeezed tighter at the boy lying next to him. Sirius tightened his grip on Remus in his sleep, and Remus sighed. He was obscenely comfortable. He couldn't remember what had woken him, but he was sure it couldn't be more important than lying here with Sirius. 

Remus scrambled and cried out as shouting filled the tiny cabin. Hands grappled at the bedsheets surrounding him, and clothes were flung in his face. In all the confusion, Remus felt Sirius clawing at him, tugging at his arm, leg, ribs: whatever he could reach. 

“No! No! Don't-”

Two camp counselors bodily dragged Remus from Sirius, standing between the two boys as they shoved clothes on them. Remus' heart was racing, and he only managed to glimpse a snatch of hair or piece of tanned skin of Sirius as they were hauled out the door and toward Pastor Philip's office. 

Sirius was still shouting and cursing behind him as they were frog-marched across the grounds. Remus himself could barely stumble enough to propel his body forward. Blind panic had taken control of his nervous system, and it was all he could do to keep his heart from exploding out of his chest and his feet moving forward. He felt like a rabbit caught in the jaws of a fox: the most he could do was play dead.

Sirius' shouting was abruptly silenced as he was coerced into Pastor Philip's office and the door shut tight. Remus found himself bereft in the silence, with only his fear and one disgusted camp counselor for company. He couldn't tell how long had passed – a minute? An hour? - before the door swung open, Sirius running into his chest. “It's all my fault, it's all my fault.”

Remus' arms hung loosely at his sides as Sirius pled desperately into his ear. 

“Tell them it was me. Tell them I forced myself on you. That you didn't want to, but I blackmailed you, or hurt you. You have enough bruises to pretend like I did. Tell them, Remus. Tell them I hurt you...”

Remus' eyes were full of tears, but he managed to gasp out one sentence as he was being dragged away from Sirius. “You'd never hurt me.”

**

Pastor Philip's eyes were cold as he assessed Remus. He didn't say a word, just looked Remus up and down where he stood, shivering and feeling smaller and more detestable than a smear of grime on a wealthy man's loafers. Coming to a decision, Pastor Philip picked up his phone and steadily dialed a number. With every snick of the rotary wheel, Remus winced. It sounded too close to the snick of a leather belt drawn slowly across his father's palm.

The blood rushing through Remus' ears was so loud he couldn't hear the conversation Pastor Philip had with his father. Sound only came back with the click of the receiver back into its cradle, as Pastor Philip's cold eyes turned their focus back to Remus. 

“Your father is coming to pick you up. Pack your things. We expect him by lunch.”

Remus felt sweaty. Too sweaty. His vision tunneled, until all he could see was the phone on Pastor Philip's desk. He felt the world rushing at him, and then everything went black.

**

Remus awoke on his bed – his  _own_ bed – he wasn't sure how long later. The sunlight streaming into the cabin window told him it was long after sunup, sometime mid-morning. Sirius was there, curled up in a ball on his bed. 

“Remus?” 

Coughs wracked Remus' body, until he found himself heaving up bile in the tiny bin by their desks. He groaned, face pressed against the rim of the bin. He never wanted to lift his head again. Never wanted to face his fate, which was just hours away, if not sooner.

“Remus?”

Shaking hands pressed against his back, encouraging Remus to slowly roll his head until he could see Sirius out of one eye. The other boy's face was tear-stained, and eyes wide. 

“What...is he...”

“I'm going home,” Remus croaked. With great effort, he pushed the bin away from him and turned more fully toward Sirius. “Dad's...he's coming to take me home.”

Sirius' eyes widened, his hands gripping at Remus' shoulders painfully. “But...he can't. He'll...”

Shock gave way to panic, and tears spilled out of Remus' eyes. Sobs wracked his body as he found himself being pulled tight to Sirius' chest. He heaved against Sirius, crying so hard his eyes and chest hurt. His entire body was shaking, trembling like an autumn leaf. He couldn't think about what his father would do to him, knowing what he knew now. Belts and fists and boots wouldn't be enough to turn him right in his father's eyes, Remus knew. But he couldn't imagine what new method he might apply, now.

Sirius' hands felt steady in comparison to Remus' shaking on his back, stroking long, soothing lines down. As Remus' sobbing quieted enough for him to hear, he found Sirius hushing quietly against his ear. “I'm not going to let him,” he murmured. Remus closed his eyes against the feel of Sirius' lips pressing against the shell of his ear, warm breath brushing through his hair. His heart couldn't take feeling the way he did about Sirius and being so terrified of his father at the same time. “I'm not. I'm not going to let him hurt you again. I promised.”

Remus' sobs started up again as he laughed helplessly. “You can't protect me,” he moaned. “Not from him.”

Remus found himself being pushed away from Sirius' chest, the other boy staring into his eyes with a fierce, almost insane intensity. “I  _will_ .” Sirius' fingers dug into Remus' arms as he stared at him. “I'll...I'll...”

Remus sniffed, offering Sirius a shaky smile. He knew there was absolutely no hope in avoiding his punishment: at this point, he just wanted to survive. “You can't fight my father, Sirius.” He tried changing the subject. “Did they call your folks?”

Sirius' eyes narrowed, obviously not pleased with the segue. “They don't care. I've done worse, honestly.” He continued before Remus could. “But there has to be  _something_ ...” he paused, and a strange light entered his eyes. “Run away with me.”

The only reaction Remus could have to that was to laugh, so he did. But Sirius' face had taken on a determined cast, eyes alight with a plan. 

“No, Remus, honest. I've got a poofter uncle Alphard, and he's always offering up his place to me if I get sick of my parents. I just haven't yet 'cause...” he flushed, glancing away. “Well, it would mean giving up my inheritance. But Remus, I _promised_ to make sure no one hurt you again. No inheritance is worth you going back home with your dad.”

Remus rolled puffy, wet eyes. “So what,” he croaked, “are we just going to ring him, ask him to come pick us up before my dad shows up? He'll be here in a matter of hours, Sirius.” His heart sank and trembling returned. Voice no more than a whisper, he murmured: “There's nothing we can do.”

“James!” The light of a plan hadn't left Sirius' eyes as he continued to clutch desperately at Remus. “We'll go over to the footie camp. James and Peter'll hide us, and tonight we can sneak out and use the camp counselors' phone.”

Something that felt dangerously like hope flared in Remus' chest before he could stamp it down. “It's not going to work, Sirius. The counselors will catch us, it's broad daylight, James and Peter probably aren't even in their cabin right now, and there's no guarantee your Uncle Alphard is willing to take in some strange boy you met at camp.”

Sirius' eyes were desperate. “Please, Remus.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Remus' lips. “Please. Let me try and protect you.” His hands swept through Remus' hair, eyes darting around his face. “ _Please_ .”

What little ability Remus had to refuse Sirius crumbled in the face of his sincerity. 

“Okay,” he whispered. “What do we do?”  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius flee the camp together.

Remus' hand was sweaty in Sirius' as they hurried through the forest together. His rucksack slapped at his back as he jogged, and legs itched where sharp twigs and brambles scratched bare skin. The sounds of the camp were fading away rapidly behind them: chatting of boys and orders from camp counselors giving way to chirping birds and clicking bugs. Remus' heart was thudding in his chest – nervousness, excitement, blind terror... all competing for a spot inside him – but one glance at Sirius' sure stride and determined face as he pulled Remus along, and it beat more easily, more calmly. 

As they approached James' camp, further along than Remus had ever gone into the woods before, Sirius slowed and finally stopped, pulling Remus to a halt beside him. Together they peered out from behind the trees. They were on a slight ridge, with a clearing of cabins and football pitches laid out below them. Boys were running around on the pitches, older counselors wandering around between them. 

Remus became aware of Sirius looking at him, and he turned to face the other boy. In an instant he found himself being kissed fiercely, back and rucksack shoved against a tree and oxygen leaving his mouth as quickly as Sirius' tongue was invading it. He melted, clutching at Sirius' back as if he could support him – as if he could protect him forever. 

When they parted, Sirius' eyes were shining with a desperate determination. “They'll go to lunch in a bit. When they do we'll sneak into James and Peter's cabin and wait until they come back after dinner, yeah?”

Remus nodded. It was as good a plan as any, and right now his mind could do little more than oscillate between vivid memories of his father's beatings and more recent – and pleasant – memories of Sirius. 

They crouched down to wait, hidden by the trees and some sparse undergrowth. Sirius' hand reached for Remus', tugging it into his lap and holding on tight. Remus squeezed back, and the two shared a long, understanding look.

Sure enough, Sirius was correct: within an hour the campers started filing off the fields and into one large cabin in the middle of the grounds, which Remus assumed was the dining hall. Only a few counselors were left outside milling around, until they too disappeared into various buildings. It was then that Sirius tugged at Remus' hand and stood up.

They dashed down the gentle slope of the ridge, feet skidding in the dirt as knees tried to keep their bodies upright against gravity. Remus had no way of knowing which of the dozens of identical-looking cabin was James and Peters', but apparently Sirius did, because he lead the two of them straight to cabin number seven. With hardly a glance around, Sirius swung open the door and pushed Remus inside.

This cabin was a little bigger than the ones back at their camp, Remus noted. There were four bunk beds in the cabin, two on each wall. Enough room for eight boys to sleep. Remus panicked. “Sirius, James and Peter aren't alone in here. We're going to get caught!”

But Sirius was already shoving his and Remus' rucksacks under one of the beds and climbing up to the top bunk. “First, James is a footie star. Everyone of the blokes here would be willing to drop to their knees and suck him off if James so much as coughed.” He grinned lopsidedly down at Remus from the top bunk. “And these blokes are straight. Generally.” He held down a hand, and Remus reluctantly grabbed it and allowed himself to be hauled up the ladder. Sirius pulled him down on top of him, grinding their hips together teasingly. “And second: there's only seven blokes in here. This bunk's spare.”

A grin teased at the corners of Remus' mouth, until he gave in and let it blossom across his face. “And they won't be back until dinner?”

Sirius shook his head, eyebrows waggling. “Nope.”

“Hm...” Remus sat up slightly, away from Sirius' heat and smell. He tapped his finger to his lip, mock-pondering the situation. “What could we _possibly_ do with all-”

Sirius didn't let him finish his sentence, yanking Remus down to him. Remus fell onto Sirius with a yelp, and then Sirius was snogging the life out of him, hips moving as tongues and teeth clashed. Remus laughed into Sirius' mouth, light-headed with relief. They had  _made it_ . They were away from the camp, and no one knew where they were. Not even his father. Now all they had to do was make it through a few hours in this cabin, and they'd be phoning Sirius' uncle Alphard to come pick them up. He was  _safe_ .

Remus broke the kiss, shucking his and Sirius' shirt off as Sirius watched with wide eyes. With as wicked a smile as Remus could muster – he hadn't had as much practice as Sirius, so he was certain he looked a little bit silly – he unbuttoned Sirius trousers. Sirius' eyes widened to saucer-levels as Remus yanked them off, then nuzzled his nose against the thick, black pubic hair at the base of his erection. 

“R-R-Remus, you don't have to...”

“Let me,” Remus murmured, glancing up at Sirius. “I bollocksed it up so badly last night, I want another go.”

Sirius' head thumped as it hit the pillow, and he carded a hand down into Remus' hair. Remus took the pause to shuck off his own trousers. He might as well be ready for when Sirius reciprocated. “Not stopping you...” Sirius weakly joked.

Taking care to do this  _properly_ – after all, Sirius was his veritable knight-in-shining-armor today – Remus stuck his tongue out and licked a long stripe on the underside of Sirius' cock, from base to head. He tasted salty, mostly: they had just been running through the woods, after all. As Remus curled his tongue around the head and lapped at the precome beading there, he amended his first assessment: salty and bitter. Interesting.

Beneath him, Sirius was moaning, hands tightening in his hair. He tugged, just slightly, and Remus took that as his cue to get on with the main event. Covering his teeth with his lips – if anything could be said about Remus, it was that he was a fast learner – he slowly slid his mouth down around Sirius' cock, taking as much in as he could and covering the rest with a tightly wrapped hand. Sirius' small moan excited Remus, but he knew he could get more from the dark-haired boy. Eyebrows furrowed in concentration, Remus pulled back and  _sucked_ .

“Fuck, fuck! Oh, I... _fuck_... _Remus_...”

Remus' stomach clenched and flipped, groin alighting with the reaction he was provoking in Sirius. Gaining confidence, Remus slid his mouth down and back up, pressing his tongue against the vein on the way down, and sucking almost viciously on the way up. Sirius was arching above him, keening his pleasure. His hips were thrusting in tiny, little aborted movements. Remus appreciated that Sirius could keep that much control: he didn't much fancy gagging or – even worse –  _vomiting_ all over Sirius' cock just because Sirius thrust too far down his throat. 

Emboldened, Remus reached down with his unoccupied hand and played with Sirius balls: rolling them between long fingers, tugging them gently, squeezing and massaging them. Sirius' grip was almost painful in his hair, head thrown back against the pillow, eyes closed and mouth open in complete, pleasure-filled abandon. Remus groaned at the sight, eyes trained on the rapturous look on Sirius' face. He felt precome dribbling down his shaft, and he tried to rub it against the mattress as he sucked. 

Once he started rutting, Remus found he couldn't stop. His mouth sucked and licked at Sirius' cock as his hands worked his balls and shaft. Meanwhile, his hips were  _thrusting_ over and over against the bed, arousal spiraling as Sirius' moans became louder and more desperate.

As the first taste of come hit his tongue and Sirius' shout rang in his ears, Remus' entire body stiffened, shaking and twitching as he emptied himself onto the mattress. His mouth fell off Sirius' cock, opened wide as his eyes squeezed shut and face pressed against Sirius' groin. The smell of Sirius' come and musk only served to protract Remus' orgasm, and he whimpered plaintively as his body continued to shake, spent cock twitching uselessly against the rough bed sheets.

An eternity later, Remus became aware of Sirius' hand stroking gently at his face and hair, voice whispering his name. Exhaustion lining every muscle of his body, Remus tilted his head and cracked an eyelid, glancing up at Sirius. “Ung?”

Sirius' grin was stupid-happy, and with a little bit of urging Remus managed to crawl up his body and kiss him. “You liked that, hm?”

Remus blinked slowly, before he glanced down and realized how ridiculous he must have looked: coming just from rutting against the mattress like some lonely thirteen-year-old. He blushed, trying to avoid Sirius' eyes. But then Sirius' hand was on his chin, tilting him to meet his gaze. 

“Hey, it's fine. Loads of guys love giving head _that much_.” Sirius' eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Lucky me, huh? I've got a boyfriend who's gagging for it.”

Remus shoved at Sirius, though he was relieved that he wasn't weird. For a moment he smiled: he didn't even consider himself weird or wrong for being gay, anymore. 

“Hey, what?”

Smiling at a confused Sirius, Remus leaned forward and kissed him. “Nothing. Just...this is good. I think it all might work out.”

Sirius winked. "With me at your side? Of course it will.” He paused, smacking his lips together before shifting his leg around a bit. Remus glanced down, trying to figure out what he was after. “Did you swallow?”

_Oh_ . Remus flushed, thinking back. He had started coming just a second after Sirius had, and after that everything went fuzzy... He glanced down at Sirius' groin, which appeared relatively come-free.

“I think so.” His eyes widened. “It's okay, isn't it? It's not going to make me sick or...” He thought of stories about swallowed watermelon seeds growing in stomachs, and immediately panicked. He wasn't a woman, but...what if...

But Sirius was laughing, shaking his head. “It's fine. Some blokes do, some don't. It doesn't matter either way.”

“How do you know all of this?” The question fell from Remus' lips before he thought about the possible answers. His stomach twisted at the thought of Sirius with anyone else, even though he had first-hand knowledge of the fact. 

Sirius was shrugging, waving a hand dismissively. “Most of it's wank magazines. They've got some really interesting articles about all this stuff.”

“There's magazines for... for us? Blokes like us?”

Sirius beamed, grin predatory as he pulled Remus to him and nuzzled against his nose. “There's all sorts of things out there for blokes like us. Discos and music and pubs...” He pulled Remus into his chest, continuing his nuzzling against Remus' hair. “There's a whole  _world_ out there for us, Remus.”

_And in just a few hours_ , Remus thought,  _I'll get to see it. With Sirius._

By the time Sirius' zippo clicked and smoke filled the cabin, Remus was fast asleep, curled up against Sirius' chest.

**

Remus awoke to boys bouncing on the top and bottom bunks, raucously shouted greetings bouncing off the walls of the small cabin. 

“-fuck 'im, I'm not letting him get near Remus!”

“Hell, even I'd throw my support behind you two blokes, whatever I could. That's just not right.”

Remus blinked, managing to distinguish James and Peter's voices speaking to Sirius. He groaned and rolled over, eyes cracking open as he tried to assess the situation. It was evening: the light coming through the window was all evening-red, and crickets were starting up outside. Sirius was still on the top bunk with Remus, though his back was to him as he leaned over the edge, chatting animatedly with James and Peter. Remus smiled at his back: his legs were curled under him, knees bumping into the railing. It gave Remus a fantastic view of his trouser-clad arse, and made him look rather young and endearing. 

James noticed he was awake first, smirking at him and elbowing Peter in the ribs. “Looks like the other lovebird is awake from his sex-coma, eh Petey?”

Immediately Sirius' head whipped around, throwing himself onto Remus and giving him a good wake-up snog. Remus laughed and pushed him off, mindful of the other boys in the cabin. Making sure he was appropriately covered, Remus pushed himself into a sitting position, glancing around the room. There were five other boys in there besides James and Peter, but they all seemed unconcerned by the two stowaways crashing in one of their bunks. They were mostly lying on their own beds, reading or writing letters. Two of them were playing cards on the floor, apparently using pretzels in place of money. Remus had never felt so  _average_ . It was exhilarating. 

“'Least I'm getting some,” Remus finally fired back at James. The other boy burst into raucous laughter, leveraging himself up to smack Remus playfully on the head. 

Sirius joined in with the teasing, nudging Remus' shoulder. “Yeah, James: how is Evans doing, anyway?”

Ever-helpful, Peter spoke up. “Apparently in high spirits. She told James that she wouldn't date him even if he took her for dinner and dancing on the moon.”

Remus and Sirius laughed as James wrestled with Peter, giving him a mock-pounding. For a moment, Sirius and Remus' eyes met, and Remus felt another small bit of the tension within him melt away.

**

That night, Remus' heart was in his chest as he, Sirius, James, and Peter snuck across the camp grounds and to the main cabin. According to James, the only phone in the camp was in the main office there. James and Peter were to play look-out and pack mule respectively – Peter drew the short straw and was carrying Sirius and Remus' rucksacks as the two runaways broke in and made the call. James told them that the counselors never locked the doors, but Remus wasn't so sure. With his luck, one of them would tonight on a whim, and Sirius would have to either pick the lock or breakdown the door. And Sirius had professed that he had never actually tried to pick a lock before, just figured he might be able to suss it.

They reached the main cabin without incident, James and Sirius do a great deal too much ducking and weaving than was really necessary, in Remus' mind. Sirius and James clapped each other's shoulders in parting, and then Sirius and Remus were slipping through the first pair of doors. They padded quietly through the dark cabin, eyes and ears open for any counselors working late. Luckily, they ran into no one before the second set of doors.

Even more fortunately, they found the second pair of doors unlocked, and Sirius was dialing the little rotary phone within a minute of them entering the cabin.

Remus hung back by the door, glancing out and around the cabin as Sirius remained quiet, phone to his ear.

After what seemed like an impossibly long amount of time, Sirius straightened at the desk, hand twisting on the receiver.

“Uncle Alphard? Yeah, it's Sirius. No, wait...” Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus good-naturedly. “Hang on, before you come, I got two things to tell you. First, I'm over at the footie camp. The one James is at? Potter?” Sirius was silent for a few seconds. “Yeah. But there's a second thing. There's another boy with me. From the camp.” Sirius flushed as he fell silent, glancing over at Remus from time to time. “Yeah. Yeah.” His face turned even redder a moment later. “No! Not...not...” he glanced at Remus, body turning away as he cupped the phone close to his mouth. “Not all the way...”

Remus' face quickly turned red enough to match Sirius' as he realized what Alphard was asking. Finally, Sirius was saying his good-byes and hanging up the phone.

“Did he really ask about _that_?”

Sirius shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “He wanted to know what our relationship was. If you were just some bloke or...” Sirius' grin grew cheeky. “Or my Remus-dear.” 

Remus flushed at the nickname, but inwardly was glowing with an ubiquitous warmth.

Sirius nodded at the doorway. “Come on. We'll get our rucksacks from Peter and head out. Alphard'll be here in about an hour, and in the meantime we can start heading down the road. That way no one will see the lights and know someone was here.”

They retrieved their rucksacks from Peter, slinging them on their shoulders and adjusting them until they were comfortable. James handed over two packs of cigarettes and Peter a whole can of lighter fluid for the road. There was much manly hugging and promises of letters written before James and Sirius would part. Finally, with one last round of clapped shoulders and fiercely shaken hands, Remus and Sirius turned away from the camp and headed down the road. Sirius lit two cigarettes, passing one to Remus. The nicotine made his head feel dizzy as he drew long and deep on the fag – or maybe it was just giddiness at what they were doing.

Sirius held out his left hand, scraping at Remus' right. He smiled over at Sirius as he took his hand.

“What do you think your dad did when they couldn't find you?”

Remus shrugged, taking a contemplative drag on his cigarette. “I don't know. He might have been glad to be rid of me. Or maybe livid.” He tried picturing the reactions, and he could see both. “Dunno. Both, maybe. Dunno.”

Sirius' hand tightened reassuringly around Remus'. “Well, now you never have to think about him again.”

The dirt road to the camp was dark, the noises of the forest threatening. Remus held tight to Sirius' hand. After only fifteen minutes of walking they came to the main road. Sirius glanced either way, before shucking his rucksack and pulling Remus down to the ground with him. “Dunno which way to go. Just have to wait, now.” Remus settled down next to him, their shoulders bumping comfortably. The tips of their cigarettes and sickle moon were the only sources of illumination on the dark road, and the sounds of the forest were loud around them. Remus found himself immensely grateful for Sirius' presence. He could have never done this without him.

Remus couldn't tell how much time had passed when headlights appeared in the distance. Sirius stood, taking one last drag of his cigarette before stamping it out beneath his trainers. Remus followed suit, pulling his rucksack over his shoulder as he peered out at the two bright points of light.

The car slowed to a stop next to them, the window cranking down slowly. “Sirius? That you, lad? By God, you've grown six inches! And look at that hair: you devil.”

Sirius' grin was all Remus needed to know that it was indeed Uncle Alphard in the car. He bent down, placing both hands on the doorframe and leaning through the window. “Hey Al! Thanks for coming for us.”

The man in the car – middle-aged and average looking, though definitely sharing Sirius' dark hair and arched brow, from what Remus could discern in the low light – waved a hand in dismissal. “I told you any time you finished with those crazy folks of yours you were welcome, and I meant it. This your boyfriend?”

Sirius moved aside so that Remus could lean in the window. He stuck a hand through, shaking Alphard's hand politely. “Hello, sir. Thank you for your help. I promise as soon as I can find work...”

“Look at you! Skinny as a weed, my God! It's a good thing Sirius got to you when he did: you might have wasted away before much longer. Come on, get in, get in. We'll stop by a pub before we head home for something to eat. God knows I have nothing besides a few moldy teabags and soggy biscuits in my flat.”

Remus' eyes brimmed with tears as he found himself being shoved into the car by Sirius. “Th-thank you,” he whispered. As Sirius slammed the door shut, Remus found himself clinging to the other boy's warmth. “This is... so much... thank you.”

Alphard turned around, and Remus was able to fully look into his eyes for the first time. They were the same grey, kind eyes that Sirius had. The man smiled softly as he looked at Remus, eyes flickering over to Sirius briefly. “It really is no trouble, young man. I know how difficult the world can be, at times. I'm just glad to lend a helping hand.”

Remus was glad for the darkness as tears overran their banks and poured down his face. Alphard had already turned back to the road and was pulling out onto it. As Remus buried his face in Sirius' shirt, burrowing deep into the warmth and shuddering beneath the strong hand on his back, Alphard spoke one more time: “Let's get you home.”  
  
  



	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue. Epilogue-y things.

1975:

 _August_ :

As Sirius entered him for the first time – arsehole dripping with lube and saliva, thoroughly stretched and relaxed to the point that Remus thought he might _die_ if Sirius didn't just _get on with it –_ Remus finally put to rest the last of his doubts that homosexuality was somehow “unnatural”. If Mother Nature hadn't meant for blokes to stick cocks up their arses, then she wouldn't have made the prostate feel _so fucking good_ when prodded with one. Bloody genius woman, she was. Remus gasped through the first orgasm he ever had without his cock being touched once. The sensation of Sirius' come filling him just made him shudder more, even as they melted into the sheets and basked in the afterglow.

They tried it the other way 'round only once or twice before Remus shyly suggested that he bottom most of the time, and Sirius nearly knocked him backwards in his enthusiasm. There were still occasions when Sirius would have a go at it, though both generally preferred Remus on bottom. And Remus, in his soppier moments, might admit that he liked having Sirius moving above him, solid weight forming a shield between Remus and the rest of the world.

_September_ :

Uncle Alphard registered Remus and Sirius at the local private school by his flat. Sirius marveled at the differences between it and boarding school, laughing like mad the first time they had to ride the bus.

 _November_ :

Remus was laughing breathlessly as Sirius had hold of his hand and dragged him into the club. “You don't understand, Remus. It's _David Bowie_. Ziggy Stardust himself!”

Sirius' body glitter was falling off of him and onto Remus in gentle showers every time he whipped his head around. Kohl-rimmed eyes crinkled as he laughed and tugged Remus into the club. 

It was later that night, as Sirius kissed him in the smoke-filled air and his lipgloss smeared all over Remus' mouth, that Remus realized he might be in love.

_December_ :

Christmas Eve found Remus burying his face in Sirius' jumper, quiet snuffles filling the room. Alphard was looking on sympathetically, while at the same time trying to be as unobtrusive as possible with his brandy glass by the fire.

Clutched in Remus' hand was Christmas letter from his mum, mailed to Alphard's flat.

Remus wasn't sure himself if he was terrified at the thought of his father finding him and dragging him away, or just incredibly saddened at the thought of his mum carefully sneaking away one day to the post office to mail the little hand-written card.

Sirius' strong arms and quiet support got Remus through the night, and by the time he was being awoken the next morning by Sirius' mouth wrapped around his cock and soft grey eyes peering up at him, Remus felt worlds better. He carded a hand down into Sirius' silken locks, and the other boy resumed the blowjob, sucking a long trail from base to head. Remus let his head fall back onto the pillow as a quiet pleasure snuck up on him.

1976:

 _March_ :

When he received a birthday card from his mum in March, it was less of a shock. He quietly stored the letter in a shoebox, ignoring the dark look that passed across Sirius' face.

_May_ :

Sirius' birthday found Remus buried tongue-deep in Sirius' arse, carefully cataloguing the new sensations and tastes. Sirius arched beneath him, a string of profanities falling from his lips as hands clawed at pillows, bedsheets, headboards – anything they could reach. Remus hummed to himself, attempting to push his tongue inside and finding little resistance. Sirius' deep moan as Remus swiped his tongue along the interior of Sirius' passage was immensely gratifying, and the taste wasn't nearly as bad as Remus thought it might be.

When Sirius came untouched, hand slapping against the headboard repeatedly, Remus quickly jerked himself to completion and crawled up the bed. Sirius' nuzzling nips and kisses against Remus' throat, and the gooey contented state of his limbs were all the thanks Remus needed.

1977:

_April_ :

Remus sagged against Alphard's kitchen counter before sliding to the floor. Everything hurt. His face, his knuckles, his ribs, his arms... and he hadn't even gotten the damned groceries. Remus felt tears pricking at his eyes. He was such a fucking _poof_.

“Need help putting the groc- Remus? Remus, what the hell?!”

Remus tried to pull away from Sirius' questioning fingers and concerned eyes, but Sirius was insistent. He always was. Puffy, tear-filled amber eyes met horrified grey, and Remus just shrugged a shoulder.  _Fuck_ . Even that hurt. 

“Did you get mugged?”

“Not in so many words,” Remus grumbled. The instant the words left his mouth he knew he had made a mistake, because Sirius' face hardened into something Remus had never seen before. It was terrifying.

“It was those blokes at school, wasn't it? Snivellus and that lot.”

Remus shook his head, trying to diffuse the situation. “It was just messing around, Sirius. It looks worse than it is, I'm sure. Just...” Sirius had already jumped up and grabbed his leather jacket and riding goggles. Remus tried to follow, but his injuries slowed him. “Please, Sirius,” Sirius was already at the door by the time Remus managed to stand. “Don't do anything-” the door slammed shut in Remus' face. In a rage, he grabbed the nearest breakable thing – a tea mug – and threw it at the wall. “Stupid!” he finished. 

Alphard's head poked around the kitchen door in inquiry, expression softening as he caught sight of Remus. “He's gone out to play hero, hasn't he?” 

Remus wiped his eyes on his sleeve, nodding glumly. “He always does.”

Comforting arms wrapped around Remus and tugged him gently toward the bathroom. “Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.”

_November_ :

Remus clutched Sirius' hand tightly as they walked up to the casket. Remus was crying unashamedly: the man who was as good as – better than – a father to him for the better part of three years was dead. Next to him, Sirius' eyes were wet, but cheeks dry. Remus knew he'd break down later, when they were alone. In Sirius' mind, only Remus was allowed to see him cry. And Alphard, but now... just Remus.

Remus waited patiently as Sirius knelt and paid his respects, pressing a kiss to his uncle's forehead before standing. He turned to Remus, nodding at the casket. “Go ahead,” he managed to croak. “'meant as much to you as he did me.”

Tears dribbled down Remus' face as he knelt down as Sirius had, whispering a soft prayer to whoever was out there. He reached out and stroked a thin finger over Alphard's hair, pushing it back so it was nice and neat. “Thank you,” he whispered.

As they walked away together, a somber man in a suit pulled them aside. “Are you Misters Sirius Black and Remus Lupin?” They nodded. The man glanced down at the folder of documents in his hand, before replying carefully: “You'd best come with me.”

1978:

“Why did you move here again?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved another lot of boxes against the wall of their new flat. “Because _you're_ here, Remus-dear.”

Remus sighed exasperatedly. They had already had this conversation countless times, but Remus still couldn't see the sense in it. “I'm the only one of us going to uni, Sirius. There was no reason for you to move out here, too. I could have just come back on weekends.” He honestly still felt a bit terrible for selling Alphard's flat. Not that he wasn't planning on moving out here before Alphard died, but still. It felt wrong to get rid of it so soon.

The door slamming shut called Remus' attention away from the dishes he was unpacking to Sirius, who was stalking slowly across the living room toward him. Slowly setting down the plate in his hand, Remus' eyes widened as Sirius pushed him against the counter, hips grinding against his. “Yeah, but now that we have our own flat, we can shag on  _every. available. surface_ .” Sirius punctuated the last three words with a thrust of his hips for each one, leaving Remus a puddle of horny butter beneath him. 

“Uhhn...”

As Sirius took him relentlessly over the kitchen counter, Remus was finally convinced. This was an  _excellent_ reason for Sirius to have followed him to uni.

Of course, Remus would have to clean the counters thoroughly before he unpacked any more dishes.

1979:

_March:_

His birthday card this year had included a note from his father. Remus glanced at it and made to throw it in the trash when Sirius snatched it away from him. Silence reigned in the room for a long moment, as Sirius' face grew red with rage and Remus tried to be calm and rational – as calm and rational as he could be, after his father called him a faggot.

Sirius didn't even look at Remus as he gripped the note tightly and went to grab his leather jacket and riding goggles. “No. No, Sirius,” Remus moved in front of him, firm hand on his chest. “You're  _not_ doing this. Not again. You need to  _stop_ sticking up for me and fighting my battles. He's just a miserable old man. What harm could he possibly do?”

To his surprise, Sirius dropped the letter and moved to yank at Remus' shirt. Too shocked to protest, Remus let Sirius drag him to the full-length mirror in their bedroom, turning him around and pointing accusingly. 

“ _That_ is what harm he could do, Remus. You may never have to look at the scars, but I _do_. Every time we make love, even if you're on your back, I can _feel_ them, Remus-dear.” Sirius' voice was choked, and Remus turned away from his own reflection to see Sirius' eyes brimming with furious tears. “You'll always carry the scars of what he did to you, and I can't ever, _ever_ forgive him for that.”

Remus sighed, stroking Sirius' cheek. “I'm not asking you to forgive him, Sirius.  _I_ never will.” Sirius' eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into Remus' touch. “Just don't go out and do something stupid, like fight him. It won't do any good. Not after all these years. Not after I have you.”

Sirius turned and kissed the palm of Remus' hands. His eyes opened and met Remus'. There wasn't a promise to behave in them. But he bent down and retrieved the letter before binning it, and didn't head toward his bike again that day.

If one day, a few weeks later, Sirius came home to him with bloodied knuckles and a scratch on his cheek, Remus didn't say anything. He stopped receiving any cards from his mum that year.

_June_ :

“Honestly, Lils: a June bride? Isn't it a bit cliché?”

Lily fixed Sirius with her best disapproving glare before arching an eyebrow cooly in Remus' direction. “This coming from the poof whose boyfriend's favorite gift is chocolate?”

Remus shrugged good-naturedly, threading his fingers with Sirius' on the table. “What can I say, Lily: I'm a man of simple tastes.”

“Never heard Sirius described as 'simple', before. That's a good one, Remus.” Sirius gasped and threw a grape tomato at Peter, who was sitting on the opposite side of Remus.

Sirius turned to James, aghast. “Come on, mate! You're not going to defend my honor?”

Lily smiled delicately. “I think James is in a bit of a state of shock.”

“Did you hear, Sirius? She's _marrying me_.”

Sirius patted the stunned groom on the shoulder, sighing hopelessly. “That's it, Lils: I pass him off unto you. He's your problem, now.”

An hour later, Remus was snuggled comfortably against Sirius' side as they watched Lily and James float across the dance floor. He sighed, barely audibly. Sirius picked up on it – he always did.

“Love? What is it?”

“Don't say 'love'. It makes you sound like an old queen.”

Sirius' wink was all the reply he needed.

Remus waited for a moment, thinking that Sirius might drop the issue. Feeling Sirius' heavy gaze on him, he sighed, straightening up in his seat. “Just thinking that it's a shame that can't be us.”

Immediately Sirius' eyes softened, and he leaned in to kiss Remus gently. “Do you want to do something? A little ceremony? We can do the cake, and rings, and make everyone dress up.”

Remus shook his head, threading his hand through Sirius'. “It'd all just be for show. And a waste of money. Maybe, if it's ever legal, we'll do something.”

With fierce devotion shining in his eyes, Sirius suddenly gripped both of Remus' hands in his own. “I swear, Remus John Lupin, I will stay by you until the day I die. And we all know I'll be the one to die first, with that ridiculous motorcycle I insist on riding around on.” Remus snorted as Sirius did a passable impression of his country accent. “But I do. I promise. You and only you, Remus-dear.”

Sirius sealed the promise with a kiss.

1980:

_July 31 st_ :

Sirius was already passing out cigars as he strode into the hospital. “Here, take one! I'm a Godfather! You want one? Go ahead!”

Remus was just doing his best to make sure Sirius didn't forget himself and try and light the cigar dangling from his mouth while they were still in the hospital.

They entered the maternity ward waiting room to find James pacing around the chairs, hair in even more of disarray than usual. Peter was slouching in one of the chairs, fiddling with the lid of his coffee cup and looking rather bored. To his credit, he had been there at least two hours already, since it had taken that long for Sirius and Remus to get over to the hospital once they got James' frantic phone call. Remus slouched down next to him, while Sirius went over to try and calm down James.

“Hey.” Remus greeted Peter.

“Hey.”

Remus nodded at the obviously empty coffee cup. “Want another? There was a vending machine as we walked in: crisps?”

Peter perked up. “Yeah, sure. Thanks, mate.”

Remus returned with four packs of crisps and three cups of coffee balanced carefully between his fingers. He handed the coffee out to Peter and Sirius, keeping the last one for himself. James didn't need the caffeine, in Remus' judgement.

Hours later, a nurse came out and congratulated James on being a new father. He collapsed in Sirius' arms, alternatively sobbing and laughing hysterically.

The three of them managed to corral James into the room where Lily lay, exhausted but jubilant, with a little bundle of baby in her arms. Sirius immediately pointed out the ridiculous shock of black hair poking out from the bundle of blankets and slapped James on the arm. “Look at that hair! Just like his old man.”

James eyes were brimming with pride as he carefully joined Lily and baby Harry on the bed. He refused to hold him at first, insisting that he'd just drop Harry on his delicate little head. It took Lily pushing Harry into James' arms for the proud father to take hold of him. The baby yawned, face nuzzling into his father's shirt. Remus thought James might burst with love and pride.

When Sirius was deigned a go at holding the baby by Lily, Sirius carried him over to Remus, so they could coo and aw together. Remus reached out and played with Harry's fingers, marveling at his teeny-tiny fingernails.

Remus slipped an arm around Sirius as they gazed down at the little baby's face, who gazed a little sleepily back up. Sirius nudged him. “Want one?”

Remus sighed softly. “I think if you haven't gotten me pregnant yet, it's not going to happen.”

They passed the baby off to Peter, who stared with wide eyes down at the bundle, as if it was a tiny little miracle. Which, Remus supposed, it was. “You thought it might.”

Remus frowned at Sirius, distracted by the broody feelings baby Harry was awakening in him. “Sorry?”

“The second time you gave me a blowjob – well, the first _real_ time. At James' footie camp?”

Remus blushed, mouth open as he remembered. “I can't believe you remember that.”

James' ears had perked up, and he glanced away from Peter handing the baby back to Lily. “What was this about blowjobs and my footie camp?”

As much as he tried to silence him with gestures and  _looks_ , Sirius talked right over Remus. “First time Remus gave me a proper blowjob was in the top bunk at footie camp, when we ran away together. He swallowed and then got nervous it might get him pregnant.”

Remus blushed bright red, shoving half-heartedly at Sirius. “I was thinking of watermelon seeds,” he grumbled.

James just groaned. “And I made  _you_ Harry's Godfather? I've ruined the poor lad already.”

“Perhaps,” Lily pondered as she rocked Harry gently, “you can save those stories for when Harry is much, much older. Thirty or so, I'd think.” 

Sirius just laughed and started listing all the fantastically dangerous toys he was planning on getting Harry for Christmas.

1989:

_March_ :

“If I have to read one more paper citing _Shakespeare_ as a source for their _Roman history project_ , I'm going to gouge my eyes out.”

“Rough day at work, love?” 

Remus bent down and pecked Sirius on the lips on his way to the fridge. “Ridiculous. You think uni students would have a better grasp of what comprises a  _proper_ source.” He pulled out cheese and crackers and a bottle of wine before joining Sirius at the table. Sirius immediately stood and grabbed them two glasses, stretching his legs out upon sitting back down so that his feet caressed Remus' ankles. 

“That's what you get for offering to teach a first-year English class.”

“Never again,” Remus grumbled around a mouthful of cheese and crackers. “How was your day?”

Sirius sighed, leaning back with his glass of wine cradled between his fingers. “Steven had another run-in with some bullies.”

Remus frowned. “Did you report it?”

“Of course I did, but I dunno how much good it'll do. His headmaster _still_ doesn't want to acknowledge gay-bashing at his school. Hell, if it were up to that man, he wouldn't acknowledge us at all.”

“What about a transfer?”

Sirius shook his head sadly, twirling the wine around in his glass. “His parents don't have the money to ship him off somewhere else. I just...” Remus leaned across the table and took Sirius' hand in his. The other man looked up with a grateful smile. “I wish there was more I could do for these kids. They're so lost and scared, and most don't have anywhere they can feel safe.”

Standing, Remus walked around the table to Sirius. He placed a gentle hand on Sirius' chin and tilted his head up so that they could kiss, slow and gentle. “Remember,” he murmured against Sirius' lips, “You'll have always helped at least one confused little boy, no matter what happens when you're volunteering.”

Sirius smiled and rubbed at Remus' arm. “Yeah, but I got quite a bit out of that good deed, myself.” He winked roguishly up at Remus. “In fact, feeling up for a reward shag right now?”

Allowing himself to be dragged from the kitchen and to the bedroom, Remus sighed. “When's your libido supposed to calm down?”

“I'm not thirty for another two months!” Sirius whinged. “And never: not with you as my inspiration, Remus-dear.”

Remus groaned as he found himself being tugged down onto the bed.

2005:

_December 5_ _th_ _:_

“D'you wanna get married?”

Remus glanced at the telly, where the BBC reporter was describing the recent legislation in detail. “Do we need to?” He glanced over his reading glasses at Sirius. “I thought you didn't need a ring to stay faithful.”

Sirius winked roguishly, pushing a spattering of grey hair back against his temples. “No, but I do like my collar.”

Remus smiled, eyes drifting back down to the exams he was grading as he thought that was the end of it.

A moment later, Sirius spoke up again. “But what about insurance?”

Remus sighed, taking off his glasses. He folded them as he considered Sirius from across the table. His expression was earnest, and just a tiny bit hopeful. Remus smiled softly. “Well if it's for insurance purposes...” Remus jabbed his glasses at Sirius. “But we need to wait until _after_ Ginny gives birth. She's liable to drop any day now, and I'm not about to upstage the birth of your great-Godson. Or daughter.”

Sirius grinned, reaching across the table to close his hands over Remus'. “Deal.”  
  
  
End.


End file.
